


It's Hard To Be The Friend in Love

by NiuNiu



Category: X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hidden Feelings, I'm sorry for the typos, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mystery, Nausea, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Secret Crush, Tags May Change, kurtty - Freeform, pinning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:21:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22076110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiuNiu/pseuds/NiuNiu
Summary: Kurt returns back from Germany after being gone for 3 years. He arrives to Chicago, all to Kitty's delight, but she can't shake the feeling something is not right with Kurt - nor she can shake her feelings for him.
Relationships: Kitty Pryde/Kurt Wagner
Comments: 43
Kudos: 15





	1. Return

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided to dedicate year 2020 to things I truly love. One of them is Kurtty, another is writing. So, I will write some Kurtty now.
> 
> I like aus. In them, I have freedom to write however I like and I don’t have to worry about the canon events (because I have not read X-Men THAT much). In this story, I'm trying to keep Kurt and Kitty in character, everyone else is free meat for me to write however they fit the plot the best :D 
> 
> For this story, I don't know how long it will be, but I hope to keep it in a length which actually allows me to end it nicely.

It had been three years. Three long years since they had last met with Kurt. The work of X-Men and the all twists and turns of the fate, new mutants, new threats, new enemies and so on pulled and pushed both Kitty and Kurt so that sooner than they had realized, they had found one another driven to different continents. Kitty stayed in Chicago, handling personal matters and trying to live like a normal person for a while with studies and all, where the Lady (Un)Luck had tossed Kurt all the way to Germany. What did he exactly do there, Kitty didn’t know, as he always circled the matter saying it was partly classified and perhaps it was better if Kitty knew as less as possible about his work. Yet, Kitty had gotten an impression that Kurt was going through some personal “shit”, and his work was somehow difficult. She had told him many times over Skype that she’d be willing to listen whatever he had in his mind, but Kurt had always replied with a smile – a smile which looked a bit forlorn or tired, depending of the day – and told all was fine.

Last week, Kurt had dropped some positive news out of a blue; he would be arriving to Chicago. Immediately Kitty had cleared her schedule and suggested they’d meet. Kurt had been more than willing to see Kitty as soon as he had landed and settled into his hotel. Kitty had offered to come to pick Kurt from the airport, but Kurt had wished she’d concentrate on her studies; they could meet later the day.

And now, there she was; in her favorite café waiting for Kurt to arrive. She had been a bit too early, so eager and anxious to meet her long-time dear friend. Oh god, it felt like an eternity the last time they had met; it hadn’t supposed to take this long. The last time they had been in the same place together, they had planned to spend a movie night with friends but then life just happened. Whirling her spoon in her coffee Kitty thought that perhaps that’s how the adult life just was. So much busier and more demanding than life in teenager years. She hoped her live wouldn’t get much hastier from this, as she already had her hands full at age 23.

After some time, which felt like a long torture with butterflies having a race in her stomach, Kitty spotted a familiar face from the door. She waved her hand at Kurt, reaching up as high as she could, and she couldn’t help her wide smile. Nor the flutter of her heart when Kurt navigated through the full café to her table. Smiling Kitty rose up from her seat to capture Kurt into a tight embrace.

“Oh, Kurt! It is so nice to see you!” Kitty breathed out happy, earning a quick kiss on her cheek from Kurt.

“The pleasure is all mine,” he simply replied, breaking the embrace. He kept his arms on Kitty’s shoulders and inspected her face with tenderness. “I’m sorry. A gentleman should never keep a lady waiting.”

“Oh no, I was here too early,” Kitty replied. She reached to her purse. “What do you want? My treat and there’s no declining that offer.”

Kurt took his jacket off and laid it on the backrest of his chair.

“Double espresso would be nice.”

“Anything to eat?”

“What do you recommend?”

Kitty gave Kurt a knowing look.

“I’ll bring you something nice,” she grinned rather impishly, earning a chuckle from Kurt.

He took the empty seat, brushed his hair backwards and sighed. Kitty was already heading toward the queue line. She returned surprisingly quickly with the double espresso and two parfaits. Kurt laughed heartily when Kitty placed the tall ice-cream glass under his nose.

“Kitty, Kätzchen,” he chuckled. “What are we, five?”

“We are full grown adults who can do anything they want, like eat parfaits at 7pm”, Kitty replied wittily, taking her seat. She watched as Kurt lifted the white espresso cup up to his lips, flashing Kitty a grin.

“I thought parfaits were more like a date thing.”

“If you don’t want it, I’m more than happy to have two parfaits myself,” Kitty replied, reaching her hand playfully to Kurt’s parfait. His tail rose up from the edge of the table and stopped Kitty’s hand by placing protectively in front of the parfait glass.

“Greedy,” he kept grinning. “I’ll eat mine, danke schön.”

Kitty dipped the tall spoon into her ice-cream. The smile from her face disappeared. Even when Kurt’s fur absorbed light partly which kept his eyes almost always hidden in the shadows, Kitty could tell Kurt was tired.

“How has it been?” she asked, unsure should she really dig into what was bugging Kurt.

Kurt leaned back in his seat and sighed; his tail curling back behind the chair.

“The flight was tiring, and the hotel is lousy. It’s so expensive to find a good place,” he replied.

“I didn’t mean that. How’s your work been? You didn’t tell me why you had to come here?”

Kurt groaned slightly. He placed his cup on the table and leaned against his elbows, his eyes fixating on the parfait in front of him. His fingers tapped together.

“It’s… Well, it’s over in Germany,” he replied, again with the familiar circling of the matter. He took a spoonful of his dessert, inspecting it almost gloomily. “But you know, X-Man’s work never ends, does it?”

“So, you’re here for work?” Kitty inquired.

Kurt’s side of a mouth crooked a little, but his eyes remained sad.

“Ja und nein,” he said. “I might need to return to Germany. It is a home but so is USA, too. I don’t know how I feel about it all to be honest. Everything is… still a bit unsure. Uncertain. Germany’s project ended but the work in this world never ends, Kätzchen.”

Kitty was sure now that Kurt had a burn-out. He was so kind, so caring. Always placing others and their well-being above his own needs. Always so humble and there if someone needed him. She wondered how much his past had affected him; if his empathy was higher than others because of it all.

Slowly Kitty reached out and placed her palm gently over Kurt’s fingers.

“I think you need a break, Kurt. A vacation,” Kitty said, brushing his fingers.

Kurt laughed dryly, amused.

“Ja, do I!” he agreed but to Kitty it sounded more sad than humorous. “I think we all do. I reached out Rachel and she’s gotten her hands full with some classified work together with her girlfriend. Bobby is in Australia for what I know with a smaller team hunting down some illegal anti-mutant activity. If I recall right, Logan said he… has some issues with his private life due all the work demanding his time.”

Kitty frowned, letting go of Kurt’s hand.

“I head about Rachel as we’ve been keeping in touch. Meggan and Brian are having sort of an easy life now because Meggan is expecting their first baby, but everyone else is super busy.”

“Life on an X-Man!” Kurt dramatically spread his arms. Then he leaned closer to Kitty, curious. “Meggan and Brian are expecting?”

“Yeah, the baby should be born in a few months,” Kitty nodded.

“Ah, verdammt. I would have missed that completely if you didn’t tell me. What kind of a friend and an old teammate I am if I didn’t congratulate them for this?”

“Busy,” Kitty noted and before Kurt could say anything, she pushed her head closer to Kurt, leaning over the table. “Let’s send them a card. Together. I have their address.”

“Already?” Kurt’s eyebrow rose. “Aren’t the cards supposed to be sent after the baby is born?”

“Well, yeah, but we could congratulate them about the pregnancy. Though, if you want, we can find a card, sign it and I’ll send it from both of us when it’s the time. I… I suspect you might not be here when the baby is born?”

Kurt’s eyes closed with a deep, deep sigh.

“I don’t know, Kätzchen. I have no idea where I’ll be then. Perhaps here, perhaps in Germany, perhaps bunking at Brian’s and Meggan’s neighborhood. The work’s like that now,” Kurt lamented, seemingly upset for some reason. It made Kitty worried as Kurt had always been very excited and ready to face anything the life had to offer to him. She blamed his burn-out and stress for Kurt’s state.

“So, to card shopping after parfaits?”

Kurt smiled with his eyes to Kitty, despite his tiredness.

“Ja. Let’s find something which looks nice and you can send it anytime you like. Is it a boy or girl?”

“Ah, I don’t know,” Kitty admit biting her lower lip. “Let’s buy both?”

Kurt nodded, agreeing with the plan. He returned to his coffee.

“I guess when the baby is born and both parents are fine with it, we should pay them a visit. Or at least send them a present.”

Kitty liked his plan.

* * *

They kept pacing back and forth at the card isle, rummaging rough baby cards. They weren’t sure yet should they actually go with the plan and buy two cards – one for a boy, one for a girl – or should they just choose a cute card which would work as a baby card for both. Kitty had two cards in her hands, and she kept weighting their pros and cons regarding their designs.

“Kurt, what do you think about this?” she asked lifting the card which a baby carriage to Kurt’s, but he didn’t hear her. He had a card in his hold, and he was staring at it with a melancholic expression.

Kitty sneaked next to him and took a look at the card. It was for a baby girl – nothing unusual in it – and as soon as Kurt noticed her, he jerked his head up and offered Kitty a smile. A smile which didn’t reach his eyes.

“Ja?”

“I was thinking this might be the best one of these two,” Kitty tried again, showing him the card which she liked the best. “What do you think?”

“It’s a good one,” Kurt said, putting the card he had been holding back to the shelf. His hand picked a card for a baby boy. “How about this in a case it is a boy?”

Kitty had a feeling that something was very, very wrong. Perhaps Kurt really needed to go to rest. Perhaps he had agreed to meet her despite of being tired and overworked, because that’s how Kurt was. If so, she should let him go to sleep asap; he must have a jetlag, too.

“I like that. So, let’s take these two and send them both, just in case,” Kitty agreed, taking Kurt’s card. “I’ll pay.”

“Oh nein,” Kurt snatched the cards quickly from Kitty. “You paid at the café, let me get these.”

Kitty lifted her palms up and allowed Kurt to lead them to the cashier – who gave a strange look at Kurt, something they both had already used to – and then she followed him out from the store. He stopped turning around and grinned with the cards in his hand.

“You can write the other, I can write the other,” he said. “Do you have a pen?”

“No,” Kitty replied, taking one of the cards with her. “We can meet again and write these then. When would be the best time for you?”

Kurt pushed his card to the breast pocket of his jacket, humming.

“I don’t know yet, Kätzchen, but I’ll let you know as soon as possible,” he apologized. “I’ll walk you to your bus stop.”

“You have to go already?” Kitty asked, face falling. She had hoped they could stroll around a little longer, but Kurt’s shake of a head shot down Kitty’s plans.

“I’m sorry. I have some work I promised to do today before I go to sleep.”

“Is it about the Germany’s gig?” Kitty had to ask. Kurt looked a slightly uncomfortable.

“Ja.”

“But you said it’s over?” Kitty tried to keep up with Kurt and gently prompt him to say what was behind his tired façade.

“I also said I might need to return to Germany,” he reminded with a tiny smile. “Don’t worry, Kätzchen. All is fine. It… It has just been rough time the last years. The project was… unexpected and emotionally difficult.”

“You _are_ making me worried, Kurt,” Kitty admitted, snaking her arm around Kurt’s upper arm. She gave him a concerned look. “This is not like you. I have never seen you like this. You know you can always talk with me about everything, right?”

“Ich weiss, ich weiss,” Kurt sighed, summoning up to his showman side with the dramatic gasp at the end of his sigh. “You are my best friend, after all.”

“This isn’t some ‘uugh I’m a manly man, I don’t talk’-thing, is it?” Kitty’s eyes narrowed quickly. Her stern expression made Kurt laugh out loud; the first genuine laugh Kitty had heard in ages.

“Nein, nein, nothing like that,” he promised. Slowly his hand came to over Kitty’s palm around his upper arm. “Like I said, don’t worry. All’s well.”

Kitty knew he was lying the big time, but she didn’t want to pressure Kurt into talking. She could only hope that he would open up later or be able to deal with whatever he was dealing with by himself; a thing he clearly insisted doing. She let Kurt’s lie slip past her.

“If it makes you feel better, I promise that after I have done my work for today, I’ll check my schedule and let you know when I’m free again, and then we can go to eat ice-cream again?” Kurt offered when Kitty was quiet a bit too long for a comfort.

‘Bribing me with an ice-cream’ Kitty though but kept the thought to herself. Instead, she hummed positively and squeezed Kurt’s arm tighter.

“A deal”.

* * *

Kurt allowed Kitty to hang from his arm all the way to her bus stop. There, he stood with her until the bus came, ignoring the odd glances from other citizens waiting for the bus to arrive. She looked concerned of him when the bus arrived, and it was time to kiss a goodbye. He pecked her cheeks, waved Kitty goodbye till next time, and stayed at the bus stop until the bus had driven away. Sighing, Kurt pushed his hands down to his pockets and headed towards nearest metro station.

Seeing Kitty was such a delight. It eased his nerves and relaxed his body, but at the same time, it allowed all the bad he had tried to push behind to surface. It was hard to keep the straight face in front of her. How did she even do that? Pushed his buttons just by existing? Bringing out such comfort it made it hard for Kurt not to gave into that and relax completely, forgetting all that had happened in Germany.

It felt like an eternity the last time they had met. Kitty was still her own bright and stubborn self, and if Kurt was honest with himself, prettier in live than he remembered.

He took the metro to his hotel, ignoring again the looks he got whenever he was out without any disguise. He had made a decision not to use any disguises anymore; he was done with hiding. Partly, he had to thank Kitty for that. She had insisted that he was fine the way he was, and if she got used to Kurt’s looks, everyone would. Kurt had mulled the thought over and decided that it was the best. It would work as being a good role model for other mutants who had visible mutations like he did. There was no need to hide; he was God’s perfect work, like everyone else, too.

The hotel room on 4th floor was tiny. It barely fit a bed and a small nightstand and TV and it smelled like mold. But it was better than nothing. Kurt had slept and spend time in more horrible settings during his life, and if the shower didn’t properly work and if the bed was creaky and walls so thin you could hear what the other people around the hotel were doing, Kurt was fine with it.

Anything now but his time in Germany.

He took a seat on the bed and reached out for his tiny laptop. If he was quick, he could take a shower after this and head the bed early, if the shower worked and had warm water longer than five minutes. As the laptop’s screen light up, Kurt’s face fell.

A notification of an email. He had not checked his phone.

“Ah, verdammt,” he cursed scratching his head hastily. “Bad news, bad news…”

* * *

Kitty was concerned of Kurt. His swashbuckling happiness was gone for some reason and it had to be Germany’s fault. Wrapping herself more comfortable under her fluffy blanked Kitty frowned, her lips pursing. Was it because he had a past in Germany and it reminded him from his past wounds, or had something else happened in Germany? If so, what it could be to upset Kurt so much? He was always so positive and kept his un-beat personality even when they faced troubles. Even when there had been issues with Excalibur team, Kurt had always wound his way back to his natural state of positivity. The only time Kitty remembered Kurt looking a bit down was when his relationships hadn’t worked the way he had wished.

She froze. Kurt had looked especially sad and forlorn at the card isle while they browsed the baby cards. What… what if Kurt was sad because something related to relationships had happened in the Germany? Three years was a long time, anything could happen! An uneasy, tight feeling rose up to Kitty’s throat. Did Kurt have a lover in Germany? Had he met someone? Did he have a child there? Had he fathered a child during these three years and now he was lamenting that he wouldn’t be able to be together with his child because his work took him globally here and there? What if he had broken up with the mother of the child and was now mourning the loss of both of them? Perhaps he had escaped Germany to USA to get some breather and to heal his heart?

The more Kitty thought about the possibility that Kurt had met someone and was now a father, the worse Kitty felt. It… It couldn’t be! But all the signs were there! Kurt was famous for his adventures with the women and to Kitty, it seemed all too carefree. A surprise offspring wouldn’t really be that big of a surprise in Kurt’s case the more one thought about it. Kitty almost wanted to say it was a surprise Kurt had no accidents sleeping in cribs.

It felt wrong. Wrong and horrible. Kitty’s head fell and she could feel how tears started to form up to her eyes. If Kurt was a father and he had some problems with his child, of course Kitty wanted to support him. Kurt had always been so kind and supportive to her, so it would be only fair to return his kindness. But, it hurt her. The though of him lingering in the arms of some faceless woman and cuddling a baby of his own with his own family hurt Kitty worse than anything ever. She had nurtured her crush for Kurt for so long, secretly hoping things would somehow change but this, this option she was now facing, hadn’t even crossed her mind. She wiped her eyes onto her sleeve, sniffing. Idiot. She was an idiot. And she was late. Too late with her crush. Not that Kurt thought like that of her. She wasn’t exotic or blond or busty like his women so far had been. Perhaps he saw her too young. Too naïve. It felt stupid and utterly childish but as long as Kurt was single, there was hope. If he was a father, then it was too late in a big time for Kitty.

She didn’t think she could tell him about her crush anymore, even if she found courage for it. It would make things only complicated. Sadly, Kitty reminded herself that Kurt was always very straightforward with women; if he had gotten his eyes on her, he would have already made his move.

But he never did. Instead, he disappeared to Germany for work and returned as a man with a deep mournful look in his yellow eyes.


	2. Hidden pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life would be easier if you were here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your support and comments so far!  
> The fic is taking turns I had no idea of, so I'm curious to see where Kitty and Kurt take this.
> 
> Never hesitate to drop me a comment!
> 
> I apologize if I have missed typos. I hunt them after posting and keep editing chapters for them later.

The next day arrived, together with a heavy unexpected rain. Kitty shielded her head with her bag as she ran from the front door of her university to a car waiting for her nearby. She yanked the door open and hopped inside with a huff.

“Thank God you could pick me up. The rain took me by surprise,” Kitty brushed her wet hair hastily.

Behind the wheel, her long-time friend Illyana Rasputin smiled at her.

“It’s your luck that I have no lectures today,” she said, steering her car to the road. “Where to, mam?”

“Just drop me to the main library.”

“Oh, more studies?” Illyana’s lips pursed together. She took a quick curious glance at Kitty and caught her shaking her head shortly.

“No, I’m… meeting with Kurt,” Kitty hesitated for a second, pondering if it was alright to tell everyone that Kurt was here, especially taken in count his current condition.

Illyana gasped.

“Is our fuzzy blue brother back from Europe? When did he arrive?”

“Yesterday.”

“Oh, and you two are already meeting. Figures, you have always been very close to one another. You must have missed him?”

Keeping her poker face Kitty refused to show Illyana just how much her words felt like a cold stab in her chest. Yes, they had always been close, but not in the way Kitty had dreamed and wished for. Yes, she had missed him so, so much. And now…

“Yeah, I did,” Kitty simply replied, leaning against her palm and turning to look out from the window absently. “It’s good to have him back, but Kurt doesn’t know how long he can stay. He’s busy with his work, whatever it is.”

“Hmm, sounds exactly like a life of an X-man,” Illyana noted. “You and I, we’re lucky to have such a peaceful life now. Perhaps it is the calm before the storm?”

“I hope not,” Kitty chuckled, mentally wincing again; perhaps Kurt’s quietness was indeed a calm before a big storm which would break Kitty’s heart completely.

She swallowed.

“You think he’d be…. I mean you two would be OK if I tagged along some day? I miss Kurt, too,” Illyana asked, stopping at red lights.

Hastily Kitty turned her attention to Illyana, laughing a bit too nervously.

“O—Of course! Let’s just find a time which is OK for all of us. I don’t know about Kurt’s schedules, but I can ask if he had time for an evening out,” she stammered, thinking that Illyana was hinting that she and Kurt rather spend time alone than have a third wheel with them.

“Great! I’d like to go out for bowling or something similar. Dancing? Does he dance? To an escape room? Swimming?” Illyana started to suggest places, excited.

Kitty’s eyes brightened when swimming was mentioned. Spa day! Lounging in the warm pool, maybe getting a massage.

“I think I’ll ask Kurt if he’d be up for swimming, if it’s not bad for his fur,” Kitty said and both of the girls squealed in unison, excited about the possibility of a spa day up ahead.

* * *

“Swimming?”

Kurt’s tone left nothing to imagination; he had not expected a suggestion of swimming from Kitty. Kitty shushed him, reminding that they were still in a library’s café.

“It was Illyana’s idea,” she defended herself. “You… you look like you need a day-off. Can you take a day-off, or at least half a day day-off? Swimming is relaxing and we could even go to spa to get massages and soak in a warm jacuzzi. Think about it?”

Kitty’s coaxing caused only a frown appear to Kurt’s face.

“If it’s good for your fur that is!” Kitty hastily added as soon as she saw the deep line running across Kurt’s forehead.

“My fur is fine with the chlorine. A bit hard to wash away but I can manage,” Kurt tapped his fingers together, leaning back against the chair. “I can’t give any promises this quickly, but I can check how my next week’s schedule is when I get back to hotel.”

“Next week should be fine,” Kitty replied, completely unsure would it actually be OK with Illyana. She hoped it would be; the idea of spending too much time with Kurt alone now didn’t appeal to Kitty. Of course, she wouldn’t be able to let Kurt know so Kitty was more or less forced to act like an old friend with nothing bothering her. It was tough. She already had hard time not to break into quiet sobs when she watched Kurt crossing his arms over his chest, bending his head backwards in a hum and thinking that he most likely had a family in Germany.

“I might be able to negotiate a full day off for next week,” he kept humming, his tail lazily swinging behind the chair.

Kitty wanted so, so, so much to ask with whom he needed to negotiate – his wife, his daughter, his new mother-in-law, some lawyer handling the whole mess – but she kept her mouth shut. Instead, she smiled.

“That sounds good! Any day will do. I hope it’s not causing much trouble to you.”

Kurt grinned from ear to ear, his eyes tender.

“Kitty Pryde, when I have ever been able to say ‘no’ to you? If you and Illyana want to go to swimming or spa with me, I’ll arrange some time for it.”

Kitty chuckled the compliment away, sensing how her soul twisted into a tight uncomfortable knot. She opened her mouth to speak, but Kurt had already turned sideways to her.

“By the way, I have the card here,” Kurt said and reached for his jacket, which was again folded at the chair’s backrest. He pulled the card for a baby boy from the breast pocket, together with a pen.

“Oh, I almost forgot! Good thing you remembered,” Kitty replied and took the baby girl card from her backpack. She placed the card on the table, spreading it open and doing her best to ignore the gnawing feeling of hurt and jealousy. Thanking, she took the pen from Kurt and signed both of the cards, handing them the pen and cards for Kurt. He wrote something extra on them both and Kitty had to peek over to Kurt’s side to see what it was:

_“Children are blessing. Treat your little one right.”_

“Aaw, that’s sweet,” Kitty found herself saying despite her stomach feeling like there was a black hole now, sucking all the energy, strength and joy from her. She couldn’t let Kurt see it, so she mentally punched the black hole and plastered a smile on her lips.

“Ja, parents should look after their children and protect them,” Kurt simply said, again having a flash of that forlorn gaze in his eyes. He put the pen back from where he had taken it and let Kitty have both of the cards.

“I’ll mail these tomorrow. We’re good about sending both cards, right?” she asked.

“Ja. If they end up getting more children, perhaps the next one is the opposite sex and the remaining card is valid then,” Kurt joked, and Kitty laughed at it while not feeling like doing that.

Was Kurt planning to have more kids himself? Or worse, did he have more than one child in Germany already?

Kitty wanted to know, wanted to know so bad, but it didn’t feel right to ask about it. She could feel how her legs had gotten heavy, like cement, and the void in her stomach had now spread all around her chest, too. She straightened her back.

“Now that we have gotten the cards written, I have to go back home,” she informed Kurt. Kurt blinked, surprised.

“Now? Oh, well, if you insist. I’d have a little more free-time though.”

“Oh no, no, just, use it as you want. I’d hate to take your whole free-time,” Kitty quickly explained herself, hoping Kurt wouldn’t be able to see that it was a lie. Well, partly, at least. She didn’t want to hog all Kurt’s time, but she couldn’t stay any longer either, as her fears and the sadness of the loss of her dreams of ever laying lovingly in the arms of Kurt were getting too much at this moment. The whole ordeal had surprised Kitty, took her off guards so heavily that it was hard to adjust to it all this quickly. She brushed her bangs behind her ear while getting up from her seat; Kurt following and standing up, too. They hugged and Kitty bit her teeth together from not tearing up.

“It was nice to meet, Kurt,” Kitty thanked him quickly before heading out with hastier steps than usually.

Kurt sat back to his seat in the library’s small café, sighing. Something was wrong with Kitty. She hadn’t even finished her tea before running off like that; half of the still warm Assam with milk was on the table. He reached out for the cup, inspecting it in his hands.

He could feel that their friendship was somehow getting colder, like the tea in his hold. He didn’t know what was wrong with Kitty, but he blamed himself for it. It had to be his fault. He had been gone so long, so absent for her. Thinking back to their Skype chats, Kurt realized it had almost always been Kitty who had arranged the meetings and suggested a new one. He, on the other hand, was concentrated on his own thing, to his work, to his emotional turmoil the Germany had thrown at him.

He didn’t want to think about Germany. Feeling the familiar lump rising up to his throat, Kurt washed it down with the remaining of Kitty’s leftover tea.

Sharing a cup with Kitty was the closest he had ever gotten to her lips, and now it looked like it would stay like that forever.

The tea tasted bitter despite the milk.

He finished his own coffee, stood up and thanked the woman working at the register. Now that Kitty had left back home – if she even was heading there, perhaps it had been just an excuse to get rid of him – Kurt had no specific reason to stay in the city. He might as well head to his hotel room and lay on the bed, watching the ceiling fan and hoping he could sleep this night without nightmares.

He wished Kitty could be there, laying next to him.

* * *

“Kurt said yes to the spa day and swimming,” Kitty told Illyana over the phone and if there was anyone standing next to Kitty, they could have heard Illyana’s delighted scream echoing from the phone.

“Yes! I’m so happy! I have been pestering mom to go with me but she’s too busy,” Illyana rejoiced.

Kitty was happy when the dates they have been mulling over with Kurt matched with Illyana’s schedule. The spa day was set for the next week, for Thursday. Kitty hoped she still remembered where she had put her swimsuit or that mother would remember it for her.

She was also glad Illyana was going to be there. It would be awkward with Kurt only.

She hadn’t really been in contact with Kurt that much in the previous days, explaining that she was busy – but so was Kurt. Again, he didn’t tell what he was doing, and Kitty wasn’t asking.

She pondered if she could speak with Illyana or Rachel about this, if it got too heavy to bear alone…

After the phone call with Illyana, Kitty headed downstairs to get something to eat. She run into her mother in the kitchen.

“Don’t shut the fridge’s door!” Kitty yelled from the doorframe, rushing to the fridge. “Do we still have orange juice?”

“We should, unless your father has drunk everything,” her mother Terri replied.

Kitty gathered ingredients for a cold tall glass of orange juice and a delicious sandwich.

“Oh, before I go to bed, I thought we could go to get the new mattress to your bed on Thursday,” Terri said. Kitty’s face stayed towards her sandwich operation.

“Sorry, mom, Thursday is not good for me. How about Friday?”

“Your father and I will go to the theater in Friday.”

Kitty looked at the theater tickets hanging on the fridge’s doors. They had been there for 3 months now.

“Ah shoot, I forgot,” she muttered.

“What will you do on Thursday? I thought it was a free day, or so we spoked last week,” Terri asked, wrapping her bathrobe tighter.

“I’m going to spa with Illyana and Kurt. It was the only day which fitted all of our schedules,” Kitty told, placing the bread slice on top of her too tall sandwich.

“Oh? Kurt? That nice German young man who was your co-worker? Didn’t we meet five years ago?” Terri’s interest was clearly piqued. Kitty could heart that from her tone.

“Yes, that one. He’s staying in Chicago for work but doesn’t know for how long, so we really have to take this Thursday for the spa trip. Sorry, mom. I’m still fine with the old mattress.”

“But, darling, it is not good for your back,” her mother insisted, walking next to Kitty. Kitty just patted her mother on her shoulder with a caring smile.

“It’s OK, mom. I have survived years with it. I few more days or weeks won’t kill me.”

“I just don’t want you to ruin your health at such a young age,” Terri’s kept worrying, her hand rising up to her cheek to frame her troubled expression. Her eyes stayed fixated on Kitty. “How’s Kurt doing?”

“Fine,” Kitty lied.

“He’s still with the X-Men? Must be really hard and busy time for him. Seems that every single day there’s a new threat here or there, around the globe, for needing their help,” Terri sighed deeply. “We’re so happy that you are here now, Katherine. I was worried when you told that Kurt was heading to Germany. I was thinking ‘Oh dear, who will look after my daughter now at work?’ He was kind of your supervisor.”

Kitty winced but didn’t let it show outwards.

“Yeah, he was,” she swallowed.

“Oh, I was so relieved when you returned back home and started your studies, forgetting X-Men work after your supervisor went to Germany! It eased my heart so much.”

Kitty gave a tired look at her mother.

“Mom, the whole team scattered here and there. It was only natural that I stopped working,” she reminded her.

Terri crossed her arms, thinking.

“Yes, the team scattered but I recall you worked with Kurt a little longer? Didn’t the team scatter five years ago? You came back home three and half a years ago,” she kept rubbing her chin thoughtfully.

Kitty paled and swallowed.

Yes, they had worked a bit longer with Kurt together. That was because she had wanted to stay with Kurt. Have some private time with him, alone, now when the rest of the team was gone. Alone in the island. Perhaps a chance to make a move, hoping Kurt would get the hint. But…

“You recall it right, mom,” Kitty agreed, still smiling, ignoring the pain in her heart. “We had… still some work to do with Kurt before he had to travel to Germany.”

“It is so nice that he’s still keeping in touch with you,” Terri smiled tenderly at Kitty.

Kitty’s smile didn’t disappear from her face and this time, it had a genuine emotion behind it.

“It is.”

* * *

_  
_ Kurt was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling fan doing its laps slowly – just like he had anticipated this night to go by. It was already 2am but he hadn’t been able to sleep more than fifteen minutes. Hands spread to his sides, Kurt’s went through again and again the same thoughts in his head:

Why it had happened?

Surely God had some greater plan he couldn’t even fathom to understand but still, he yearned for answers.

Was there anything he could have done differently to prevent it from happening?

Had he done enough?

And most importantly, had he made the wrong choice when he had accepted the work gig from Germany? Where would he be now – how would he be now – if he had never gone there?

He swallowed the lump quickly down from his throat back to his chest, where it weighted like an anvil.

He wished that Kitty was here. Wished he could tell Kitty what had happened, but it would be… it would be too much. She was a brave woman but if he told, she would just get upset. Upset like he was.

He really, really wished that Kitty was here now.


	3. Bad Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illyana, Kitty and Kurt spend a day together but it doesn't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no there was only one mattress...!

Kitty fished her bikini’s bottom once again from between her butt cheeks, muttering quietly for a curse for anyone who had designed bikini bottoms. She remembered now why she hadn’t been swimming in a long time and why she had put the bikini into the furthers corner of her walk-in closet. If she was any clever, she would have checked if the bikini fitted well before coming to the spa. That would have given her time to buy a new bathing suit.

Illyana in front of Kitty was practically bouncing up and down from happiness when they existed the dressing rooms into the swimming area. She gasped and took a deep breath.

“Ah, the smell of chlorine. How inviting,” she smirked over her shoulder to Kitty. “My hair will be in such a bad condition tomorrow, but this day is worth it. I get to spend a day with you and Kurt. Ah, I have missed him! He should probably already be somewhere here, right?”

Kitty stretched her neck together with Illyana as they kept searching for Kurt. He was spotted from the big pool, already doing laps. Kitty crossed her arms.

“Show off. Figures!”

Illyana didn’t hear her. She rushed to the side of the pool and waved at Kurt when he arrived at the shallow end of the pool, pushing his wet hair away from his face.

“Illyana,” Kurt called her with a delight and gave room for Illyana to get into the pool. He gave her a hug; they had arrived at different times to the spa and agreed to meet inside.

Kitty watched how Kurt smiled happily, the heavy feeling which loomed over him now gone. She hoped Kurt was genuinely feeling better and not putting up a poker face for Illyana. He had always seen her as someone innocent to be protected, whether Illyana really needed any protection or not.

Kitty got into the pool, too, and walked to Kurt and Illyana, smiling.

“Hi, Fuzzy,” Kitty greeted Kurt, who smiled back at her. “Give me a hug, too.”

Kurt chuckled shortly and hugged Kitty. Kitty wanted just to close her eyes and enjoy this moment. She missed Kurt. Missed the closeness with him. They had often watched movies together, close to one another. His legs in her lap or vice versa. His tail curling around her ankle and its tip tapping softly the sofa or her foot while Kurt concentrated on the movie. It had always reminded Kitty of a cat. Now, in his embrace, against his bare fuzzy chest, Kitty felt both at home and like she would have been thrown into an icy grave. She reminded herself that this was supposed to be a fun and relaxing day, and there was no time for any mental breakdowns.

“Glad that you could get a day-off,” Kitty said, backing off from Kurt’s embrace. He shrugged.

“It was easier than I thought it would be.”

“You are busy at work?” Illyana asked Kurt, hands behind her back.

“Schätze, bitte” Kurt gestured both of the girls to come under his arms. He squeezed them against his sides brotherly. “Let’s make a promise that no talk about work or school or anything like that today. We’re here to relax and kick back, ja?”

“Works for me!” Illyana declared. “Kurt, race with me. I took some swimming classes a few months ago and I want to see if I’m still capable of beating you.”

Kurt laughed deep from his chest.

“How bold of you, Fraulein! Challenge accepted!” he squinted his eyes and grinned with his fangs flashing.

Kitty watched as Illyana and Kurt got ready to beat each other over the swimming race, both bumped up. She decided to go to swim just peaceful laps to other line, listening how Kurt and Illyana made rather some ruckus together. She wished Kurt had asked if she’d like to race him, too. Perhaps he was just avoiding her on purpose. The race was over quickly, for Kurt’s favor. Illyana protested and asked a re-match. Kurt accepted the rematch, noting that a gentleman would never decline lady’s request. The second race was again favorable to Kurt. Illyana’s groaned when she realized she had been beaten, again.

“You are too good, Kurt!” Illyana breathed heavily after the competition. “Is there anything you are not good at?”

“Ah, well, I think I’m not good with relationships?” he joked, well-known for the fact that his romances always ended up being toxic or otherwise unlucky. Kitty’s ears perked at Kurt’s comment. She swam to lean over a line buoy, hands crossing on top of it.

“Ah, Mister Heartbreaker,” she noted, teasing Kurt.

“Kätzchen, nein. It is me who gets the heart broken, every single time,” Kurt sighed, and the flash of the forlorn gaze rushed over his eyes – but only a mere second. Then, he was back to his happy normal self, pushing himself up from the pool. “But let’s not talk about such matters either, Schätze, ja? This was supposed to be relaxing day.”

“I agree with, Kurt,” Illyana huffed, looking annoyed. “I have had enough of men!”

Kurt turned around to help Illyana out from the pool, eyebrows rising with a smug smirk.

“Ah, that sounds like something I’d like to hear about,” he kept grinning.

Illyana huffed and whipped her wet hair dramatically.

“Hmph! I can give you a synopsis; Jerks.”

Kurt laughed, his head still turned to Illyana as he reached his hand for Kitty to help her out. “Ja. Men can be jerks. I’ve been that at times, too, unfortunately. Women can be jerks, too.” As he said that, his attention turned to Kitty, who had grabbed his hand. Kitty’s eyes widened when she noticed the look in Kurt’s face. She knew that look. She knew that Kurt was talking about something important, giving her those eyes, which said ‘Kätzchen, you know what I mean. I don’t need to talk about it.’ Allowing Kurt to pull her up from the pool, Kitty held his gaze a bit longer, until Kurt smiled a bit and turned back to Illyana, like nothing between them hadn’t just happened, leaving Kitty to stand behind his back.

Kurt was like that. He knew they had a connection and they understood one another without words, but he was also stubborn in a sense that if something bothered him, you needed to dig that out. Kitty counted just how many times she had prompted and propped Kurt’s thoughts until he finally had spilled the beans when they still worked together in Excalibur. She lost her count. The feeling that something with some woman had happened to Kurt in Germany just grew bigger in Kitty’s stomach. Bigger, heavier, more toxic. Kurt had said he had been a jerk, too, so it sounded something serious. Perhaps both of them, he and the mystical German woman, had been jerks to one another. Hasty, problematic, complicated. Such uncontrolled relationship could lead to a surprise pregnancy rather easily, especially when Kurt rarely said no to a willing woman.

Kitty swallowed her disappointment and upcoming sob down.

“I want to go to try the warm pool with the massaging sprays,” Illyana said, pointing at the big pool at the other side of the swimming hall.

“Massaging is good after a race,” Kurt smiled happily, hands on his hips. Kitty noticed how a few women walking pass them glared at Kurt and then turned to giggle, seemingly blushing. Kitty frowned sourly. She noticed how Kurt swung his tail a bit – something he always did when he was feeling confident or pleased – and saw also how he pushed his chest out. He had noticed the women, heard their giggles and was now quietly bragging.

Kitty’s frown just got deeper and sourer.

Illyana was already heading towards the massage spray pool, very excited and happy. Too excited and happy; one missed step with a bit too much of a happy force, and Illyana’s flew across the air, slipping on a wet tile and landing on her back. Her head hit the floor with a loud bang before Kurt or Kitty could react to it and save Illyana from the accident.

A loud gasp left both Kurt and Kitty and in a second there were both kneeling next to Illyana.

“Mein Gott, are you alright?!” Kurt asked with a great concern, helping Illyana to sit up slowly.

“Oh no, you are bleeding!” Kitty breathed out, noticing a red spot on back of Illyana’s head.

The swimguard on duty was immediately there, checking what had happened.

“Young lady, we need to take you to a hospital. You might have a concussion and we have to get your wound checked, too,” the swimguard explained.

“I’ll go with you, Illyana,” Kitty offered. Kurt was nodding quickly.

“Me, too.”

Their relaxing day at the swimming hall ended abruptly, before it had even properly started, to the waiting room of a local health center. Illyana’s diagnosis was indeed a concussion and both Kitty and Kurt saw her to home together with a taxi.

“I’m so sorry,” Illyana sobbed when they stepped into her home, Kurt walking Illyana gently with a support inside. “I ruined the whole day.”

“Nein, nein, you didn’t. Stop such nonsense. We can go to swim again some other time,” Kurt soothed her, patting her back. Kitty rushed to move pillows away from the sofa as Kurt helped Illyana to sit down. She reached to touch her head with a grimace.

“Does it hurt?” Kitty asked, earning a positive groan from Illyana.

“The painkiller is wearing out.”

“Where do you keep your painkillers?” Kurt was already half a way out from the living room.

“In the kitchen. Third shelf in the cupboard next to fridge,” Illyana replied.

Kitty looked at Illyana with worry, sitting down next to her. Illyana sobbed.

“There, don’t cry,” Kitty hugged her tightly, keeping Illyana in her embrace.

“I was really looking forward to this day,” she whispered quietly, wiping her eyes. Kurt arrived from the kitchen with painkillers and a glass of juice. He gave them to Illyana and knelt in front of her.

“The doctor said you can’t be alone for the next 24 hours, so either one of us has to stay here now when your flatmate is not coming home until Saturday.”

“I can,” Kitty said quickly. “You have work, Kurt.”

“I’m sorry,” Illyana apologized again. Both Kitty and Kurt shot her apologies down immediately.

“No apologies needed!” Kurt was firm with his words. “I have work, ja, but today is my free day. My work won’t start until tomorrow around mid-day, so I can stay. Kitty, you can go home if your parents are expecting you back.”

Kitty straightened her back, frowning.

“I will not leave Illyana alone. I’ll stay.”

“Please, can you both stay? At least a little while?” Illyana asked, taking a sad look at both of them. “I wanted to spend the day with you doing something fun, not sitting in a health care with a aching head.”

Kitty and Kurt looked at one another. Kurt’s lips parted softly, but his surprised look spread quickly into a wide smile. Kitty had a feeling he was again hiding something. Perhaps he didn’t want to spend time with her, but Kitty was not going to go home and leave Illyana behind.

“It is fine with me, if that’s your wish. Would you be able to watch a movie?” Kurt asked.

Kitty decided to smile and go with Kurt’s plan to cheer Illyana up.

“Yeah, we could watch something simple and fun. Like cartoons!”

“I’d like that,” Illyana agreed.

Kurt got up and was heading out the living room, just to get stopped by Kitty’s sharp yell.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“To get us something to eat with the movie. Ice-cream would be good and easy for Illyana to swallow,” he explained, scratching his head. “Unless you are against it?”

“I’ll go,” Kitty said, getting up and walking pass Kurt. “Please, look after Illyana. I know Chicago better than you do and find shops quickly.”

She didn’t tell him that those negative fears and worries had started to pop out again and she wanted to take a small breather. She had been around Kurt a bit too long already for comfort, for her fears not to rise their ugly heads with loud barking.

“Hmm, you’re right,” Kurt agreed. His head turned to Illyana, his trademark smirk appearing on his lips. “Too bad, Illyana. You will be stuck here with me until Kitty comes back.”

After Kitty had written a mental list of what Illyana and Kurt wanted from the shop, she headed out, down the elevator and walked out to the dark evening. Somehow the dark city always soothed Kitty’s nerves. She was upset that she was getting sad, upset and angry with Kurt. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t push away what Kurt had said about men and women being jerks in the swimming hall – nor she could forget the way he had looked at her after that.

Walking quickly to the shop Kitty knew she couldn’t loiter too long outside. She did her shopping as slowly as she could get away with it and returned then with ice-cream and some evening snack and breakfast stuff to Illyana and Kurt. Illyana had changed into more comfortable lounging clothes and was lying against Kurt’s side, cheering with a weak voice when Kitty victoriously slammed 3 pints of ice-cream on the living room table. Kurt was cheering openly.

“Awesome, Kätzchen. You got my favorite,”

“I got all of our favorite flavors,” she corrected, offering spoons to everyone. “Have you decided the movie yet?”

Kurt was the one with the remote. He gestured Illyana to move to the other side of the sofa with her blanket, while he sat in the middle and patted the empty space next to her for Kitty. Kitty took it, despite the tight unpleasant knot in her stomach. Kurt scooped both of the women under his arms and kissed both of their heads.

“Eat carefully and say immediately if you start to feel sick,” Kurt told to Illyana with an extra rub on her upper arm, and she snuggled closer to Kurt with her ice-cream. For Kitty, Kurt didn’t say anything, and she frankly didn’t know what to say to him either. So, she decided to concentrate on the Disney movie Kurt and Illyana had chosen, to have for a moment where she wouldn’t be thinking about anything. She crossed her legs and watched how Kurt brought his ice-cream package and spoon into his lap with his tail. Kitty helped to open the package, getting a happy “Danke” from Kurt in return.

Kitty listened to the movie but wasn’t paying much attention to it. Kurt next to her, under her head, felt much better. Much, much better than the movie. Kurt’s tail had curled on her thigh from behind her, and every now and then the spade shaped end patted on her leg, unconsciously. Despite doing her best to concentrate on the movie, Kitty’s thoughts just circled around Kurt.

Suddenly Illyana jerked up, making a weak whimpering. Kurt and Kitty both bolted up from their sloughed position. Illyana was pale and looking nauseous, her head hanging low.

“Uh, oh, we need to go now, Liebchen,” Kurt announced, scooping Illyana up to his arms and teleported into toilet. Kitty heard how Illyana threw up, and the sound was followed by Kurt’s soft murmur of comforting words. When they came back, Illyana was still pale and was taking support from Kurt’s shoulder.

Kitty crossed her arms with a concerned look in her eyes. Kurt noticed it immediately.

“I think it is the best that I stay here for the night after all. If Illyana gets too sick and throwing up continues, I can teleport her to the hospital, just like the doctor told.”

“I’m staying, too, like I said earlier,” Kitty informed. “The hell I’d leave my friend when she’s sick.”

“You two are so kind,” Illyana sobbed, wobbling to stand straight. She brushed her hair away from her eyes, swallowing. “I have only one mattress.”

“It’s fine, I can sleep on the sofa,” Kurt said, but both Kitty and Illyana shook their heads in unison.

“No. We need you near Illyana in a case of a quick emergency teleportation. You take the mattress, I’ll take the sofa,” Kitty said. Kurt was not having it.

“Kitty, Kätzchen. I might not wake up easily. I’m still sleeping like a log due the jetlag. You better stay with Illyana and come to wake me up if something happens.”

“I’m so terribly sorry for this all,” Illyana sobbed in the middle of their disagreement. “Kitty, you can sleep with me in my bed. It is tiny, but we should fit.”

“No, Illyana. You need the bed and proper rest,” Kitty hastily shot Illyana’s suggestion down. “Don’t apologize, this is not your fault.” Then she turned to look Kurt directly in his yellow eyes. “I think we’ll be sharing the mattress, Kurt.”

An unreadable expression flashed over Kurt’s face for a second.

“Ah, I guess that is the wisest option now,” he said with a calm tone, turning to rub Illyana’s upper arms. “Are you still up for the movie and ice-cream, or do you want to lay down?”

“I want both,” Illyana replied.

They made their way back to the living room. Kitty took the sofa with Illyana, who laid down her head in Kitty’s lap. She stroked her blond hair and smiled tenderly at Illyana, who looked like she would fall asleep any moment now. Kurt sat down in front of the sofa, pulling his knees up and curling his tail over his feet. In half an hour, the movie was over and Illyana was sleeping. Kitty didn’t remember much of the movie, as she had been concentrated on taking glances at Kurt now when his back was turned to her.

Kurt turned to look over his shoulder and sighed with a gentle ‘aaw’ when he saw Illyana sleeping.

“I thought I heard her sleeping,” he whispered, getting up to his feet. “I’ll take her to bed. Let’s find the mattress for us.”

Kitty agreed, heading in front to Illyana’s room to open her bed for Kurt to place sleeping Illyana in there. She tucked Illyana under her duvet and Illyana stirred, yawning.

“It’s Ok, go back to sleep,” Kitty whispered to her.

“The mattress is under the bed,” Illyana managed to say until she dozed off again. Kitty phased the mattress out from its storage place and folded it on the floor. It was wider than Kitty had anticipated. She didn’t let Kurt see that she was nervous of spending a night on the same mattress with Kurt. What if she couldn’t keep her emotions check but either started to sob or slashed out at Kurt for hiding something important from her? There used to be no secrets between them.

Kurt had disappeared to living room and returned back with two decorative pillows and a blanket Illyana had used earlier.

“We can use these,” he spoke with a barely audible voice not to wake Illyana. “You can have the blanket; my fur keeps me warm over the night.”

“Sure?”

“Ja, there are three adults sleeping in one room. The temperature is going to get too high for me if I have a blanket.”

Kitty accepted the blanket and stated to dress down, realizing she didn’t have any clothes to sleep in with. She was contemplating sleeping with her bra on, as uncomfortable as it was – if she was alone, she could sleep topples - but then she felt a tap on her shoulder.

“Here, for the night”, Kurt said, giving Kitty his white tee-shirt. “Entschuldigung, it can be a bit sweaty.”

Kitty took the shirt with a smirk.

“I think I’ll survive. Thanks.”

Kitty turned her back again to Kurt, who also turned his back to Kitty to undress himself to his boxers. Kitty wiggled her bras off underneath Kurt’s shirt and pushed her jeans down, folding everything neatly nearby. Then she slipped under the duvet, wiggling herself next to Kurt.

Kurt turned on his side, leading against his arm and inspected Kitty’s face. Kitty blushed.

“Wh-What?” she hissed, mildly annoyed of his sudden stare.

“Is everything alright, Kätzchen?” he whispered, his breath washing over Kitty’s face. “You have been really quiet today.”

Crap! Kitty tried to find something to say without it sounding forced or fake.

“I’m worried of Illyana.”

“Ja und nein,” Kurt replied, eyes narrowing. “You were not your own self the last time we met. You rushed so quickly back home you forgot your tea.”

“Kurt, I…”

“Is it school?” Kurt asked, tilting his head.

Kitty nodded hastily, taking the opportunity Kurt had offered her for free like that.

“Yes! Yes, studying is harder than I thought. I’d like to graduate and become one of the teachers for Xavier’s institute. I know I’d have a job there for sure,” Kitty explained, only half-lying; she indeed had a plan to work in the institute as a teacher.

Kurt’s tail whipped against the mattress softly.

“Harder than being a member of Excalibur?” he grinned, his teeth flashing in the dark room.

“It’s… different…” Kitty mumbled. She turned her head away from Kurt, looking at the ceiling. “I miss those days, Kurt. I miss Excalibur. I miss our time together.” She swallowed and hoped Kurt didn’t see it.

Kurt’s chin pressed down and he hummed.

“Ja. I miss those days, too. It was fun, Kätzchen. Such adventures even the best author with the wildest imagination couldn’t come up with.”

Kitty’s heart skipped a beat. She saw an opening.

“Is there anything else you miss?” she propped, horrified to hear Kurt’s answer and at the same time, dying to know what Kurt would answer.

Kurt hummed again.

“Good German beer, Logan’s stupid jokes, Spätzle. The Spätzle in American is a crime against German kitchen.”

Not the answers Kitty had hoped for.

“You probably enjoyed those while you were in German?” Kitty stretched her luck a bit further.

Kurt grinned from ear to ear.

“Ja! Especially beer and good sausages. Oh, Kätzchen, I was so drunk so many times it’s embarrassing to admit out loud.”

Kitty could feel how a sensation of cold sweat rushed to every part of her body. Drunk Kurt with his history with women didn’t sound good, and now when Kitty added the whole baby card episode into the mixture, Kitty was sure the void in her stomach would swallow her completely. She composed herself and tried to chuckle quietly.

“You have learnt bad habits from Logan.”

“Ach, nein. I have bad habits of my own without Logan’s help,” Kurt sighed, turning to lay on his back, his side against Kitty’s side. He tilted his head, pulling his legs up.

“Like women?” Kitty asked, just and just managing to keep her voice from trembling. Her head was hurting and the heaviness in her body had grown exponentially.

Kurt suppressed his laugh not to wake up Illyana.

“Ja. Women. My weakness and a bad habit indeed. Cerise was good but the rest,” he gestured the air with his hands absently, like trying to catch a memory. “Ja. Definitely die Frauen. But I couldn’t live without women. They are just something else,” Kurt sighed almost dreamily, and Kitty was sure an invisible anvil was dropped on top of her.

Kitty suddenly phased involuntarily, sinking into the floor. She gasped, alarming Kurt, who bolted up to sit. Kitty materialized herself back onto the mattress, sweating.

Shit. This wasbad. She didn’t phase like that unless…

“Kätzchen, you OK?” Kurt’s hand was on top of Kitty’s shoulder. He was so close. Uncomfortably close. The image of Kurt having a secret lover and a child in Germany popped into Kitty’s mind and she hastily shook her head to get rid of it.

“I’m tired. And worried of Illyana and the school,” she explained, hoping Kurt would buy it.

Kurt looked concerned as he peered to take a look of Kitty’s face, which she was hiding behind her long curly hair.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Kurt,” she replied, a bit too sharply, and buried herself back under to blanket. “I’ll go to sleep now,” she said whilst turning her back to Kurt, fighting against the hot, hard lump in her throat.

“Ok. Gute Nacht, Liebchen.”

“Good night.”

Kitty closed her eyes, hoping she could sleep this night. She jolted when Kurt’s arms wrapped around her over the fluffy blanket and pulled his chest against Kitty’s back. He nuzzled his face to her shoulder.

“Don’t worry, Kätzchen. I’ve got you,” he murmured.

* * *

Kurt could tell Kitty was not being honest with him. Something bothered her the big time, but as she wasn’t willing to talk about it, Kurt reasoned she perhaps needed more time and some gentle urging. It did make him worried, as Kitty didn't phase involuntarily unless she was under strong emotions. He was sure he heard Kitty sob lightly when he told he would look after her, pulling her into his hold, to reassure that he'd be there for her whenever Kitty wanted him to listen to her. He didn’t know why Kitty had distanced herself from him, but then, being separated for three years could be a plausible culprit. It would have been a big fat lie if Kurt said it didn’t hurt his feelings. That it didn’t sting his chest when Kitty was avoiding him and trying to act like nothing was wrong.

He wondered if he had made a wrong choice also for Kitty’s sake when he accepted the work from Germany. He hugged Kitty tighter, closing his eyes. How he wished he could talk to Kitty about it. Perhaps they both had their personal crosses to be carried.

Taking a deep inhale he enjoyed Kitty's scent. It was soothing, so familiar. 

He was secretly happy there was only one mattress. He could only hope Kitty was feeling the same.


	4. Welcomed Guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt gets an offer he can't refuse from.

Kitty was unable to sleep. Partly, she was worried for Illyana and wanted to keep her eye on her. Partly, because the mattress was, after all, a bit too narrow for two people to sleep on comfortably. But mostly, it was because Kurt was there; glued against her back, snoring softly and radiating warmth like a living heater. Sure, his fur felt so soft and nice against Kitty’s bare legs, and his arms was comfortably heavy over her waist. Kitty couldn’t complain any of that. Neither she could complain that she was, in fact, in Kurt’s embrace. It felt so right, so calm. So very, very home.

And utterly painful. A twisting pain holding her guts in its hold. She couldn’t shake away the mental image of Kurt embracing some faceless woman like this after a passionate heat of a moment guiding Kurt – again – into a bed of a woman. With how many had he slept in Germany during the three years? Why was she thinking these kind of things in the first place? She had never thought about Kurt having sex with other women and now, Kitty felt she was obsessed to know just what or who he had been banging. How many illegitimate kids he had? How did he sound when he was enjoying the pleasures of flesh? Surely, he had to have some skills besides his charming nature and good behind to keep ladies falling so easily and repeatedly underneath him here and there; pretty much all over in the galaxy.

Kitty was now feeling both sour and a bit too hot from her cheeks and stomach. She shifted a bit, careful not to wake Kurt up and stared at Illyana’s bed’s leg. Her hand found its way on Kurt’s back of a palm, traveling from there absently over his forearm. His fur was so soft. How would it feel to be caressed by these hands? To be hold down against the mattress by these hands? Have her legs pulled up by these arms while Kurt himself was set between her legs?

Kitty blushed, blinking.

No, this was not good. She was getting distracted. If she had to choose was she horny or angry with Kurt at this very moment, she’d choose the anger. It was easier to control and explain to him as grumpiness after badly slept night because she was so worried for Illyana.

Yeah. Anger. Definitely anger. She had to find that seething rage again.

She should summon it up. There was a good reason why Logan had once complimented her for fiery temper when Kitty had broken one of the wooden bokken swords when she had been practicing Japanese sword fighting with Logan – who had learned it from his belated Japanese wife.

Kitty’s head pressed down towards her chest, her hand again running slowly over Kurt’s arm. He mumbled in his sleep, took a deep inhale and was snoring again. Her throat felt tight.

A wife.

Logan’s wife.

Kurt’s wife.

Maybe it wasn’t a fling. Maybe it was a wife. Or someone Kurt wanted to marry.

Someone else than her. She was, after all, only the best friend to Kurt.

She wouldn’t be able to sleep here, not like this. Quietly, Kitty decided to move to sleep on the sofa. She left the door open so she could hear if Illyana was feeling nauseous or needed help otherwise. She peeled herself free from Kurt’s hold, careful not to wake him up, and scooped her pillow under her arm and the blanket under another arm.

On the sofa, Kurt’s shirt was still minding Kitty about him, causing intrusive thoughts with his scent lingering on the fabric, but at least Kurt wasn’t physically there.

She swallowed down a small audible sob, wiped her eyes on the blanket and noted herself that she still needed to summon that rage up.

But, it was hard to be angry with Kurt…

* * *

Kurt woke up when Kitty shifted lifting his arm away from her. He opened his eyes and saw a glimpse of the side of her face, barely visible to him: she was looking sad. Very, very sad. He knew that look; it meant ‘Leave Me Alone’. So, he quickly closed his eyes while Kitty’s head was turned away and pretend to be asleep. He listened how Kitty gathered her belongings, opened the door, left it open and walked softly with barefoot to living room. He could hear the sofa rustling, her sighing and after a small moment, when he hesitated if he should go to her after all, Kurt heard a tiny sob. A weak, wobbly sob. And a sniff, another sniff, another wobbly sob and then a deep, deep inhale with a long exhale.

Kitty was trying to calm herself down. For working with Kitty for so long, Kurt knew it was the best to leave her alone when she was at her weakest. Perhaps, it would be the best to let her rest this night. He could ask about this all later, when they were somewhere more private.

Folding his arm under his head and feeling how the warmness of Kitty’s body was slowly disappearing from his side Kurt pondered what had happened. Kitty wasn’t telling something, that was sure, and had been sure, this whole first week and a half he had been in Chicago. 

Perhaps it was his fault somehow? Kurt wished that wasn’t the case, because then he’d need to explain why he was so distant. Then he would also need to tell her that he was hiding the information because Kitty was dear to him. That would lead to Kitty most likely saying that they were best friends and there shouldn’t be any secrets between them, which would lead Kurt to break his heart. Best friend’s title with Kitty was a pleasure, and he was happy he had been able to be part of her life for this long, but he didn’t want to let his emotions to ruin their friendship. Perhaps Kitty was having some broken heart now? Some relationship issues? They never talked about love life too deeply with one another. There was like this secret, unspoken rule that love matters where no subject to go to. Perhaps Kitty had met someone was now heart-broken over him.

Kurt exhaled deeply. If Kitty was in love with someone, then he was late. He should take that as it was. Perhaps it would be the best for everyone. Especially for Kitty. If they ended up together with Kitty, what would happen if they some day realized that this was not the right decision anymore. How would it affect their relationship? Kurt pondered if he even wanted to take that risk; to be downgraded from a best friend to an ex-boyfriend and get everything between them messed and awkward.

It was not like he had anything to do now with his prior girlfriends and dates. Would Kitty join them and disappear from his life completely, if things didn’t work out?

It was… a too big toll to pay. Too big risk to be taken. He should handle his emotions. Push them away, for Kitty’s sake. For his own sake. Yeah, especially for his own sake. He’d do anything not to lose Kitty.

Even if it meant breaking his own heart.

Hastily Kurt wiped his moist eyes with his fingers.

* * *

The next day, Kurt and Kitty were both able to leave to their own directions, without letting the other know about their worry for them.

After the free day, Kurt was busier than ever, so they had no time to meet. They exchanged a few text messages. Kitty pretended to be busy and stressed with the school, while Kurt complained how lousy the hotel was for the price which he was paying for it.

Otherwise, everything else continued normally.

* * *

“Well, why don’t you invite him here?”

Kitty let the phone drop down as her head rose up to her mother. Terri sat knitting in the living room watching news, while Kitty surfed on the internet on the couch. They had just spoken how Kurt was doing and Kitty had mentioned that he was unhappy with his hotel room.

“What?” Kitty asked, unsure had she heard right.

“It is awfully expensive to be in the hotel and to pay for something you don’t like,” Terri reasoned, ignoring Kitty’s weak voice. “We have the guestroom for him. Oh, why I didn’t think about this earlier!”

Kitty could feel how her hands got sweaty.

“Well, it’s a thought…”

“Katherine? You are fine with it, aren’t you?”

“S-Sure. We’re friends,” she smiled.

“Why yes, it is a good idea! He doesn’t have to use all his money for a room, and you will have a friend staying as a sleepover guest. Ah, just like when you were little!” Terri was now up from her chair and heading towards the guestroom next to their kitchen. She turned on her heals to Kitty. “You think Kurt would accept the offer? Call him and ask!” Terri hurried Kitty before she had any time to answer.

“What about dad?”

“Oh, we won’t mind! He needs to leave to the business conference to LA anyway for the next two weeks on Tuesday. Not that your father would mind if we hosted your friend here.”

Kitty knew that when mother had an idea, there was really no way turning her head. Besides, she had a point there; it would be a good deal for Kurt and she could get a chance to spend more time with him. It would work for her benefit; if she saw Kurt often enough, she would surely learn to master her nagging nasty feelings. An exposure therapy. Yeah. Get used to the thing X bothering you so well that it won’t bother you anymore. It could be hard, but Kitty mentally reminded herself that she had handled worse things than a hidden crush for Kurt. Perhaps, if they spend more time together, Kurt would finally open up what was eating him up, too. 

Though, Kitty was sure Kurt would decline the offer, explaining that his work was classified.

“Yes?” Kurt answered the phone, sounding like he hadn’t rested properly.

“Hi, my mom wants you to come to stay with us while you are in Chicago,” Kitty went straight to the point, whilst Terri stood next to Kitty, curious and eager to hear Kurt’s answer. Kitty wished she had gone to the guestroom to get it ready, as Kitty was getting nervous. She ushered Terri to go away.

“… _Was_? To stay with you?” Kurt asked, and the way he emphasized ‘you’ made Kitty’s stomach churn in an unpleasant way.

“Y-yeah. I mean… I mean, we talked with mom and you shouldn’t pay for a lousy hotel room when we have a vacant room. If its only alright with your work. The door can be locked if you need privacy.”

Kurt hummed.

“The offer is… really generous, but I don’t know if I should bother your family like that.”

Kitty turned to look quickly at Terri.

“Kurt says that he doesn’t want to bother us.”

“Nonsense!” Terri gasped, hand rising up to her chest. “Kurt has… wait, what was his surname?”

“Wagner,” Kitty replied.

“Mister Wagner has looked after you, our daughter, for some many years and kept you save. Tell him that we’d me more than happy to repay it for him and look after him now.”

Kitty turned back to her phone. Kurt spoke first.

“I heard your mother. Tell Mrs. Pryde that it would be rude of me not to accept such a generous offer, when it comes from a heart like that.”

“Kurt said yes,” Kitty informed Terri, who looked utterly delighted.

“Oh, I must get the bed ready! Tell him he can sign out from the hotel and come here right now, if he wishes. I’ll pay his taxi!” Terri was already heading to kitchen, where her own phone was charging.

“Mom also said you can come here right now, and she’ll pay your taxi, if you want to kiss goodbye to your shady hotel room. And before you even say anything; no. Mom won’t take no for an answer for the taxi offer.”

“Then I repay the kindness some other way. Cook or clean or something,” Kurt replied, accepting Mrs. Pryde’s offers surprisingly willingly. Kitty reasoned he must have really hated his room or be low in budget. She cleared her throat.

“Don’t worry about the food either. We have you covered.”

She couldn’t see Kurt, but she was able to tell he was smiling.

“ _Danke schön_. You are such nice people. I’ll pack my things and come right there. I don’t want to disappoint your parents nor argue with your mother.”

* * *

When Kurt arrived at Kitty’s house three hours later around 8pm, Mrs. and Mr. Pryde took him in with open arms and warm hugs. Kurt looked seemingly a bit taken back by this warm welcome, but he smiled nevertheless, his smile spreading from ear to another. Kitty stand behind her parents at the hallway, neck stretching to look at Kurt, who was standing in front of Terri; her hands on Kurt’s upper arms.

“We’re delighted to have you here, young man,” Terri chirped happily.

When Kurt saw Kitty, she waved her hand at him with a silent smile, hands going behind her back. It was a bit nerving to have Kurt staying in her home, but Kitty reminded herself again she had managed harder things than this. Somehow, she was actually happy. The stupid crush taking the better of her.

Kurt was shown his room. It was a small simple room with a bed, desk with a light, an office chair and a bookshelf full of Carmen Pryde’s books.

“My husband uses this occasionally as an office, but it is all yours now,” Terri told to Kurt, who immediately apologized Carmen for taking his space like that. Carmen declined Kurt’s apology without hesitation.

“Mr. Wagner, you have protected our daughter and looked after her, trained her well, too. This is the least we can offer in return,” Carmen said. He scooped Kitty under his arm, tilting his head down. “You are part of Kitty’s life and how she has grown to be. You have done so much, Mr. Wagner.”

“Please, just say Kurt,” Kurt said, his attention now on Kitty. Kitty could feel how her cheeks got warm.

“I’m terribly sorry we didn’t come up with this offer sooner. Feel free to stay as long as you need and want to. Our house is fully yours to use. There are no-go areas and no need to ask for a permission to use our bathtub, shower, backyard, TV or fridge. Feel yourself homey, Kurt,” Carmen welcomed Kurt once more, and Kurt turned to smile rather bashfully at him.

“I’m very honored by your generosity and kind words, Mr. Pryde.”

“Carmen.”

“Carmen.” Kurt smiled once more. Then, his head turned yet again to Kitty. There was a great sense of warmth in his gaze. “It has been my pleasure to guard, train and be a friend to your daughter. Kitty is a wonderful woman. Brave, witty, intelligent. You should be very proud of her.”

Now Kitty’s blush was spread all up to her ears. She cleared her throat and took a step away from Carmen’s hold.

“I’ll go clean a shelf from a fridge for Kurt to use,” she said, excusing herself away. Her heart was beating rapidly, and she fought against the blush the best way she could.

He had called her a wonderful woman. It felt silly for Kitty to get so kiddy and dreamy over his words; that was just Kurt. He complimented everyone and always spoke nicely of women. He would say that about her mother, too, if there was a need for that. Kitty yanked the fridge’s door open and welcomed the cool air rushing out onto her hot face. She spent as long as she was able to with arranging Kurt a free spot from the fridge to calm herself down and get rid of her blush. She listened how behind her back Terri was urging Kurt to take a shower while they would order pizzas for everyone, as this evening required some celebration. Kurt didn’t refuse from Terri’s mothering, but headed upstairs, Terri at his heals speaking about where to find the bathroom, towels and soaps and shampoos. Kitty tried not to chuckle when she heard her mother worrying over if Kurt’s fur could take regular soaps they had. Sadly, she didn’t hear Kurt’s answer. At the same time, Carmen was circling around, loudly asking what Kurt wanted on his pizza, and when he didn’t answer, Carmen came to Kitty for help.

“Kurt is a walking compost. He eats anything,” Kitty chuckled.

“Yes, but I want the pizza to be delicious to him. Help me out here, Kitty!”

Kitty couldn’t take Carmen’s sad face, so she took the phone from him, sighed and then smiled gently at him.

“I’ll handle this, dad.”

* * *

Kurt listened the soft sound of the shower, eyes closed. This felt good. The water was warm, and the shower worked so much better than in his hotel room. Prydes’ offer had come out like a lightning from the blue sky, and while Kurt still felt a bit guilty for troubling the Prydes, he was also thankful for their kindness. He took this as a blessing from the higher power, which clearly had heard his distress and wanted him to rest.

Though, He had not heard Kurt’s other prayers. Quickly he pushed that thought to back where it came from; no. Not now. He wanted to take it easily and act as relaxed as possible with the Prydes. The least he now needed was them starting to ask what was bothering him. That would only encourage Kitty to snoop things and there was only so little Kurt could do to resist Kitty’s urging.

Perhaps that’s why she was sad the other day. Perhaps she was worried for him, though she clearly tried to blame her school for her sadness. Washing his hair Kurt made a mental note to tell Kitty she shouldn’t worry about him as soon as there was a good opportunity for that.

Kurt could hear the doorbell, and soon a delicious aroma of fresh baked pizza reached the shower, penetrating though the scent of the shower gel he was using. He had teleported to his room to get his own toiletries, as he didn’t want to take too much advantage of the Pryde family’s generosity. His stomach grumbled as a reply to the smell of pizza and Kurt hastily finished his shower, dried himself and dressed into the Carmen’s bathrobe Terri had brought for him and insisted him using it. 

He felt himself a bit under dressed when he walked downstairs into the living room, where multiple pizza boxes were laid on the table with three different variety of sodas. Carmen gestured Kurt to sit down and he took a seat next to Kitty on the sofa.

“Soda or beer, my friend?” Carmen asked. “Or perhaps a shot of whiskey? I have an excellent collection.”

“If Kurt gets whiskey, I want a shot, too,” Kitty informed.

“One shot and then soda,” Kurt replied politely.

“Excellent. Honey, can you get the whiskey glasses for us. I’ll go get the whiskey,” Carmen requested from Kitty. “Darling, you and Kurt start with the pizzas,” he urged Terri while heading to his whiskey cabin.

Kurt couldn’t hide his genuine smile. This was nice. So nice. A relaxing time with a family who loved you so much. Kitty was so lucky to have such wonderful parents, and he was lucky to have a friend like Kitty. He took the whiskey glass from Kitty with thank you, holding her gaze a little too long.

“Here. This one I got from Scotland last year. It is made with original early 19th century recipe. The good old stuff,” Carmen explained, pouring a glass for Kurt and Kitty, and for the last for himself.

Kitty next to Kurt reached out to open a soda bottle. Kurt had to bend a bit backwards to give her room to reach over his legs. His tail made a happy small slap against the sofa, but no one noticed. She poured soda for everyone, and reached then again to place the bottle back on the spot where she had taken it. Kurt enjoyed that little moment of closeness of her until Kitty sat back next to him.

“So, Mr. Wagner, Kurt. Tell me some of your adventures,” Carmen requested. Terri slapped him on the knee.

“Darling, no, let him relax and enjoy himself!”

Kurt chuckled and decided to humor everyone with some of his adventures. He told some of the stories from his past. Some stories he told from the time of Excalibur. At some point, Kitty disappeared but returned then in pajamas. It made Kurt feel himself better for hanging around in a bathrobe. After multiple stories and almost completely finished pizzas, the clock was already closing 1am. Kitty yawned, legs pulled up on the sofa.

“Oh dear, it’s so late already,” Terri gasped, snapping out from the trance caused my good company. “I think we should let out guest sleep and go to bed ourselves, too.”

“That sounds nice,” Kurt agreed, smiling.

Carmen and Terri said goodnights for Kurt and Kitty and headed upstairs. Kitty and Kurt cleaned the living room table together and stored leftovers for tomorrow.

“Your family is so nice,” Kurt sighed at Kitty, stocking plates and glasses into a dishwasher. “You are so lucky, _Kätzchen_.”

“They are.”

Kurt straightened his back while closing the dishwasher’s door. He looked at Kitty.

“Thank you for having me here,” he said.

Kitty turned around from the fridge and shrugged, smiling.

“It’s no big deal. Mom and dad really wanted it.”

“Do you?”

Kitty’s face froze for a second. Then, she cocked an eyebrow at Kurt.

“What do you mean?” she muttered with a frown.

“Are you okay if I stay here? You have… well… been distant.”

“Of course!” Kitty replied hastily, surprising Kurt. “You’re my friend and my home is always open to you.”

“I just… I promise I won’t get too much into your way, _ja_? I don’t want to make your school stress worse by disturbing your studies.”

Kitty grinned, crossing her arms over her chest.

“And how does your presence disturb my studies?”

Before Kurt got to reply, Kitty continued.

“I hope I and my family won’t disturb your work. There’s a lock on the door and the key should be on the bottom drawer on right, if you want to have privacy due your work.” Then, Kitty’s face got gloomy. She stepped closer to Kurt, her hands dropping down. She didn’t look at Kurt.

“I don’t want mom and dad to get into trouble, you know,” she whispered quietly.

Kurt’s hands rose up to Kitty’s shoulders and he lifted her head up from the chin with his finger.

“Don’t worry, _Kätzchen_. They are safe. You are, too. My work is not dangerous. Just--- demanding.”

With that, Kurt kissed Kitty’s cheek.

“ _Gute Nacht, Kätzchen_ ,” he mumbled so close to her cheek his lips ghosted on her skin.

“Good night, Kurt,” Kitty replied patting his upper arm, and left then upstairs to her own room without any further words.


	5. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Kitty are left alone and air is being cleaned between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that this fic contains mentioning of human trafficking and child abuse. Proceed with caution! If such subject is bad for you, please skip the chapter.  
> You have been warned.  
> Also, I finished this chapter at 5am so there will most likely be mistakes for me being cross-eyed.

” Come on, Kurt. Lighten up a little!”

Kitty’s nudge on Kurt’s shoulder came as a surprise. Despite of it, Kurt turned his head lazily from his comfortable, all stretched out position on the sofa to Kitty. He sighed.

“This movie is, frankly, so boring it makes me sleepy.”

Kitty on the chair next to his head leaned forward towards the TV on the other side of the living room table, crossing her arms as she did.

“…You are right. This is actually rather boring one. Should we try something else?”

Kurt only nodded. It was a Friday evening, the first week of Kurt staying over at Pryde’s was closing its end. He allowed Kitty to scroll the Netflix while he laid on his back, legs crossed. His tail was hanging over the edge, its tip slowly moving against the soft carpet with soft thudding sound.

“How about this?” Kitty asked.

“I have seen that one, but we can watch it.”

“No, I want something we both have not seen,” Kitty continued the search. “Hmmm, Illyana recommended me this.”

Kurt took a look at the screen, chuckling.

“Romantic comedy?” he asked, turning to Kitty with his head bending backwards.

Kitty blushed.

“Well, Illyana said it was good,” she defended herself, frowning. “We won’t watch that then.”

“Hmm, maybe some other day. I’m not really in the mood for a romantic movie,” Kurt muttered absently.

“Oh? How I remember you loving the hero movies where the hero saves the damsel in distress and gets her at the end of the movie?” Kitty teased; eyes fixated on the TV as movies scrolled down, down, down.

“That’s different.”

“Kurt, those are romantic movies for men, that’s what they are!”

Kurt laughed and it sounded genuine, even if a little lifeless.

“Epiphanic! Never thought about that but I can’t deny that you are right.”

Kitty straightened her back and buffed her chest victoriously.

“I’m always right,” she declared looking down at Kurt on the sofa. He was still smiling but didn’t turn his head to Kitty. His arm lazily tucked behind his head and he heaved a deep sigh.

“As fun as they are, not today, _Kätzchen._ Something else.”

“Maybe some horror?” Kitty suggested, stopping on something on the Netflix screen. “What’s this with the bloody nun?”

“No, no horror, bitte!” Kurt breathed out. “I… I’d prefer something lighthearted.”

Kitty could hear from Kurt’s tone that something was – yet again – eating him. She hadn’t gotten any good change to speak with Kurt and ask about his work. Or about his mood and distance. He seemed to have ups and downs; one day, he was happy. The other day, he looked like he had stayed up the whole night. Sometimes both of these occurred on the same time. Kitty was worried there was something wrong with Kurt. Perhaps he was overworked or depressed. That’s why she had suggested a movie night for this Friday, for the old times’ sake.

“Cartoons?” Kitty asked, already heading to Netflix’s cartoon selection. Kurt agreed with a wordless hum. “Robin Hood? It’s kind of like the male romantic fantasy but for kids,” Kitty asked again, looking at Kurt curiously. A wide smile appeared to Kurt’s lips, reaching all to way to his yellow eyes.

“Ja. That’s a good one.”

They watched the movie in a common silence, Kurt’s tail every now and then thudding softly against the carpet. Kitty wanted to sing with the movie’s songs, but she felt that it wouldn’t be appropriate now. Somehow the air had been especially heavy around her the whole day today. Perhaps it was just one of those days when everything felt dragging and gloomy, like a grey storm which had raged days after days at the coldest time of the year. The whole thought made Kitty shiver and wish she could cuddle down under the same blanket with someone.

Kitty took a secret look at Kurt, who was focused on the movie. They had watched movies together, snuggling on the green sofa Meggan had found somewhere in the lighthouse. It was especially cozy when it rained or was windy, as the lighthouse got easily chilly. In the first winter, Kurt had managed to carry somewhere heaters for the coldest days, but generally everyone was requested just to dress up warmly. Oh, how warm Kurt had been in those cold days! She and Rachel had often snuggled under his arms, seeking his warmth when the air inside the lighthouse was especially damp and chilly.

Yeah. Those has been the good days. Now, Kitty had a feeling that if she snuggled up to Kurt’s side, he might just push her away; or worse, accept her reluctantly.

Suddenly, Terri came downstairs, rushing into the living room in her bathrobe with a phone in her hand.

“Katherine! I just got a call from L.A. Your father fell on stairs in the conference building and was sent to a hospital! I need to fly there right now.”

“What?!” Kitty turned around, shocked. “Dad did what?! Is he okay?!”

“They said they need to operate his leg. I don’t know more of the details how it had happened, but I better get there anyway. He’ll need some help to get back home with his luggage and all. Please, help me book some cheap flights,” Terri explained, sitting on the chair’s armrest.

Kurt had sat up. He reached for Terri.

“Mrs. Pryde. If I may, I could arrange you a flight. A private one, superfast. I have access to X-Men tech and Blackbird should be free for us to use.”

“I… I don’t want to bothe—” Terri tried to decline, but Kurt lifted his palm up in the air, shaking his head.

“It’s no trouble. You have offered a roof on top of my head and for as long as I need to. Let me help you with this in return.”

“Oh, thank you! How much do I owe you?” Terri was almost tearing up.

“I will accept no money. You do not monetize others’ distress and need for help,” he smiled warmly at Terri, rising then on his feet. Instead of looking at Terri, his gaze focused on Kitty. “I will make a few calls. Do you want to go to see your father, too?”

“I… I better look after the house. Are you going?” Kitty asked.

“I can fly the Blackbird but unfortunately, I’m not in a condition to fly. I… I have a headache,” Kurt said, hesitating a bit. Then, his usual gentle smile was back as always. “I’ll get someone from the institute. I’m not the only pilot, you know.”

“Oh, thank you, thank you!” Terri kept thanking Kurt.

“Please, no need to thank me. Now, excuse me ladies,” Kurt said, heading to his room. He closed the door after him, and Kitty could hear him mumbling on a phone with someone soon after. She patted her mother’s hand.

“Go get ready, mom. The Blackbird will fly here really quick.”

* * *

Kitty waved goodbye to her mother with Kurt, looking how the taxi turned away from their home yard. It was late, but Kurt had managed to find a pilot to fly the Blackbird. Terri would stay in the Los Angeles as long as needed. Kitty and Kurt had promised to look after the house. Kitty stood under Kurt’s arm with her arms crossed and sighed very, very deeply.

“Of course something like this happens,” she mumbled.

Kurt squeezed her against his side and rubbed her upper arm.

“It didn’t sound too serious. Just a leg injury. Could have been worse like a broken neck.”

Kitty’s lips just pursed together; she didn’t look too impressed by Kurt’s attempts to soothe her.

“It’s just… Life has been a bit challenging, okay? I’ve got… lot in my mind…”

Kurt turned them both around back towards the front door and guided Kitty gently inside.

“You can talk with me if something bothers you. You know I always have an open shoulder for you to cry on.”

Kitty chuckled, hands rising up to her hips. She swayed her body back and forth from heels to toes and back to heels.

“Like in Excalibur times?” she asked, getting a quick nod from Kurt in return.

“Ja. Exactly.”

“Like when I was upset mom hadn’t contacted me in a few months?”

“Hmmm, ja, and when you and Brian had some ridiculous argument over the cereal.”

Kitty turned to Kurt fully, lips parting.

“Oh my god, I had forgotten that! It was so stupid!”

“That’s what I told you back then, too,” Kurt grinned. They made their way back to the living room and to the movie while talking.

“You---You actually remember what you said to me?” Kitty asked, folding her legs under her as she sat on the living room chair. Kurt stretched himself back to loll on the sofa.

“Yes. It is hard to forget such a commotion over such a small matter,” he remarked, still grinning. Then his face got serious and he looked at Kitty, eyes narrowing. “Seriously, _Kätzchen_ ; if you have something in your mind you want to talk about, I’ll listen. At any time. You can come to get me up at 3am if you need to.”

“S—Same to you, Kurt,” Kitty hesitated for a second. She fumbled her fingers together, hair falling softly to cover half of her face. “You have something on your heart, too. I want you to be able to talk about it to me.”

Kurt’s eyes widened. He was quiet just for a second, before chuckling and shaking his head.

“ _Kätzchen_ , you don’t want to know”, he said, his tone dark and ominous. “With some things, the less knowledge is more.”

“Don’t you trust me with the issue?” Kitty asked sharply whilst whipping her head to Kurt.

Kurt looked bothered, but smiled, nevertheless.

“Kitty; there has never been any moment when I wouldn’t trust you.”

“Then what is it?” Kitty continued asking, moving now to sit at the edge of the sofa next to Kurt. She kept staring him directly into his eyes; her gaze worried and melancholic. “I want to know.”

Kurt looked even more bothered by now, turning his head away with a German mutter.

“What?” Kitty snapped.

“I really don’t want to talk about it. Can we drop this subject, please?” Kurt muttered towards the sofa’s backrest.

Kitty sat still and stared at Kurt. Then, she huffed and buffed a bit, and stood up, heading to kitchen.

“You don’t trust me,” she repeated, annoyed.

“Kitty, I really don’t want to talk about this with you…” Kurt yelled after her, propping on his elbows.

“Why?”

“Because it… it will hurt you, _Kätzchen_. It has hurt me a lot and I don’t want you to suffer, too.”

Kitty didn’t turn around. Just kept her back turned at Kurt as she reached for a glass from a kitchen cupboard. She was feeling how the hot anger and worry for Kurt – and her own jealousy – was boiling up in her stomach.

“Oh? Something you did in German will hurt me?” she asked venomously.

Kurt jumped up from the sofa and hurried to Kitty with long strides. She was still keeping her back to Kurt, opening the fridge’s door. Kurt slammed the door shut, looking at Kitty with a stoic frown.

“ _I_ did something?” he repeated Kitty’s words, his tone low. “I don’t know what you are implying but I don’t like to be accused for no reason.”

Kitty pushed Kurt aside and opened the fridge’s door, pouring herself a glass of juice. She drank it slowly, trying to compose herself for not snapping at Kurt. How had her mood gotten so foul so sudden, she couldn’t say. Kurt waited for her to finish her drink, his eyes drilling on her. She paid no attention to it; just placed her glass on the kitchen counter and turning then her head to Kurt. Her lips pressed together into a tight, unpleasant line.

“Oh? Perhaps you’d want to tell me then what happened in the Germany? You returned back as a half-zombie who stares gloomily in front of him, hiding his emotions behind smirks and some playful jokes every now and then.” Kitty huffed, not even trying to pretend Kurt’s distance to her hadn’t gotten under her skin. “You have buried yourself into your room and are oh so busy.”

“It’s classified,” Kurt snapped quickly. Kitty laughed.

“Is it classified or are you just not wanting to talk about it?” she asked, measuring him from head to toe. “Which one is it?”

Kurt’s eyes flared suddenly.

“Fine!” he barked, slamming his hand on the kitchen counter with a force. “You want to know what happened?! What I did in German?! I was rescuing children from child trafficking! Child prostitutes!”

Kitty stared at Kurt lips parted, shaken by his fury. She hadn’t expected him to flare nor she had expected such an answer. She couldn’t speak. Child prostitutes? Child trafficking? No… no secret wife or a kid of Kurt’s own? She…

“You want to know what it is like to find these small innocent children molested by adults?! Kids between ages four and ten watching cartoons in a waiting room like zombies before new clients, clients old enough to be their grandfathers?! You want to know what it does to you when you hold in your arms a five-year-old child who’s been molested by her own father since she was two?!” Kurt was shaking, his hands rising up to his face. His breath hitched. “ _Mein Gott_ , Kitty…! We found so many rings, so many child molesters… International leagues hunting down these innocent little beings…”

“…Kurt, I---” Kitty swallowed.

“The youngest one I saved was just six months old...! Six months! The children should be protected, living the best time of their lives and not to be used for---" He didn’t finish his sentence, but was crying, burying his face into his hands as his sobs became louder. Kitty closed the space between them and pulled Kurt into a shaky embrace, crying herself, too.

“I’m so sorry, Kurt…”

“ _Kätzchen_ , I don’t want you to live with the mental images of the things I saw,” Kurt wailed. “Please, just… let me forget it. Let me forget it all.”

His arms wrapped around Kitty and he pushed his face into Kitty’s shoulder, crying uncontrollably; shoulders shaking together with his loud sobs and whimpers. Kitty was crying but held herself together for Kurt, holding him the tightest she had ever held anyone.

“I didn’t know about it. I didn’t know… I was only asked to rescue children from a human trafficking, and I said yes because I wanted to help and thought my teleportation and other abilities would help in a stealth mission but the trip… _Gott, Kätzchen_ … I thought I had seen it all, faced it all as a X-man, but I….” he stopped to take a shaky breath. “I can’t sleep. I can’t get away from those images, those events. We… We busted so many, caught them red handed. I---”

“It’s okay!” Kitty hastily said, turning to kiss his temple. “It’s okay. No need to tell me anything. Forgive me. I shouldn’t have pushed you. I was upset but it was uncalled from me.”

Kurt didn’t reply to her apology. Just squeezed her tighter and broke into another loud cry, clearly reliving something unpleasant.

“You know I believe in God. I have always believed in Him. But, I’m finding it really hard to comprehend this all. That’s… There has to be a meaning to that all, but I can’t find it…” Kurt whimpered. Kitty expected him to talk more about the subject, but he said nothing. Kitty understood him; it was not easy to face something which turned your whole worldview around, and which didn’t fit your understanding of it all.

“Kurt….” Kitty tried after some minutes in silence had passed. “Have you seen a doctor? This… You need some help.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he hissed, hurt. “I don’t want to go explaining the things to a doctor, to relive it all. I’m…” he took again a shaky inhale, “I’m just upset. The wounds are too fresh, _Kätzchen_. They will heal.”

“You should talk to Hank,” Kitty insisted, breaking their long, long embrace. She took Kurt’s wet face in between her hands and gave Kurt a steady, long look. “Please. You need to sleep and rest.”

“I’m already here with you,” he replied, avoiding the subject. “Let me be here a little longer,” he returned back into Kitty’s hold, surprising her. “ _Kätzchen_ , please: just… hold me. Just a little longer.”

Kitty felt herself absolutely stupid for suspecting Kurt for having someone in German he was missing. She sobbed, disappointed with herself.

“I’m sorry, Kurt. I should have been there for you. I was such an ass just now.”

Kurt leaned his head against Kitty’s, still crying.

“I pushed you away. I don’t want you to get involved with this.”

“Involved?” Kitty asked, her heart rising up to her throat. “You mean…”

“It’s not over, _Kätzchen_ ,” Kurt swallowed. “There’s still one group we’re after. I… They have connections here, in Chicago. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I might need to return to Germany later, to sort things out with the rest of the team and the authorities.” He trembled in Kitty’s hold, burying his face deeper into Kitty’s neck. “Gott, I don’t want to go back. But I can’t leave the children.”

“Let me help you!” Kitty cried, and her words came out faster than she had even managed to realize what she had said. She broke their embrace and looked at Kurt. “I know you will say no, but, if I can’t come with you to the field, allow me help you some other way. Technology, digging information, organizing, making reports, punching the pedophiles in the face, being a solid shoulder for you to cry on. Anything.”

Kurt cleared his throat and wiped his moist eyes.

“I appreciate your offer but---”

“No buts!” Kitty was firm. “I know Chicago like my own backyard. Let me help. I can take it.”

Kurt’s face fell and he tried to laugh.

“ _Kätzchen_ , you are underestimating the mental damage this will do to you… I don’t want to get you involved. Just… If you want to help, just help me locate some places and let me cry on your shoulder when things get overwhelming. I will not allow you get more deeper into this. No matter how much you’d insisted, my answer is _nein_.”

“We could call Logan!” Kitty continued pestering Kurt, hoping he would allow her in the saving children bandwagon. Kurt shook his head, his hands going to Kitty’s shoulders. He gave her a squeeze and tried to smile through his tears.

“I don’t want anyone get involved in this. Please, understand. I don’t do it to look like a hero. I want to protect those I love.”

Kitty’s lips parted. Those he loved…

“Besides, we already have mutants in our team. I’m not the only one,” Kurt explained, straightening his back and composing himself after his meltdown. “And your school. I don’t want to---”

“It’s fine!” Kitty barked, cutting him off. “I can manage. So, no Logan. I will help you with locations and being your mental support there. A deal.”

Kurt smiled.

“Just, promise me you see someone, at least Hank, if this gets too bad…” Kitty begged, wrapping her arms around Kurt’s neck. “I’m seriously worried about you, Elf. Logan will skin me if something permanent happens to you, not to mention that I will be upset.”

Kurt’s head pressed down slowly. He closed his eyes.

“I plan not to disappoint you or have Logan on your throat.”

“It’s not about disappointing me but your health!” Kitty cried.

“I—I just need a vacation after this. A long vacation,” Kurt murmured with a dry throat.

First, Kitty wanted to suggest they’d go to see Brian and Meggan when the baby was born, but she quickly decided it was a horrible idea. She also managed to consider an option where Kurt, she and Logan went to drink and forget all worries, but she remembered Kurt saying Logan had some personal issues, too. Perhaps the men would just end up rallying one another into a deeper depression over the beer, if Kitty was unlucky with her plans. So, she simply patted Kurt on the back of his head.

“That sounds good. A long, easy vacation. I’ll go with you if you want to.”

A smile spread across Kurt’s lips, baring his canines.

“Yes,” he breathed, hugging her tighter for a moment. “I would welcome some company, especially yours.”

Kitty’s face lighted up and she hummed happily. Then, her hum stopped, brows knitting together.

“Kurt. You should have told me earlier,” her voice was almost scolding as she pushed Kurt away from her to look at his face. “This is a horrible mission to shoulder alone. God, Kurt, I thought something was horribly wrong with you and your life! Like, some damage which couldn’t be made any better.”

“I’m sorry,” he managed to say. “I don’t know what else to say.”

“Please, no more hiding things from me, OK? We’re an old team and friends. No secrets, no secret burdens to be carried alone, okay?”

“Okay,” he replied with a sharp nod, and smiled then mischievously. He wrapped his arms around Kitty’s waist, still grinning.

“If that’s our deal, then you need to tell me what’s going on with you?” he said, capturing Kitty’s gaze. She blushed.

“Wha—”

“Your school is just a lie, isn’t it?” Kurt asked, brushing her hair from her face behind her ear. His grin dropped and he gave Kitty a concerned look. “I shared my burdens. What is yours?”

“I---I was worried about you,” Kitty stammered, her face hot.

“What you thought was the reason? Why I’ve been distant and upset?”

Kitty’s opened her mouth, looking spooked. She searched for right words to say.

“I—I thought you had gotten super unlucky with some woman,” she finally found her voice, knowing very well she couldn’t lie to Kurt right now. They had made a deal. Agreed not to hide things from each other – and that had been her idea in the first place. She could feel how her hands got hot and sweaty from the sheer embarrassment.

Kurt’s head tilted. He gasped.

“ _Was?_ You were worried about my love life?”

“Well, you know… No one wants to see their best friend heart-broken and taken in count your past you… tend to have… really bad luck with…women,” Kitty winced with each word, pegging for forgiveness with her eyes from Kurt from bringing this subject up.

An incredulous laugh escaped from Kurt’s chest.

“I’m not THAT bad,” he defended himself.

“You never know!” Kitty defended herself in return, cheeks getting redder and redder by each passing moment. “You could have been doing Lord only knows what in Germany. What if you were planning to get married, what if you had broken off with someone, what if you had a child---”

“A child!” Kurt yelped. “Kitty, _Kätzchen_ , _was_?!”

“Kurt!” Kitty whined, not knowing how she could explain herself without spilling the real beans; that she had a horribly crush on her best friend.

“Me, a father?” he pointed at himself, looking Kitty like he had seen a ghost. Then he laughed, laughed so much Kitty was sure he was making fun of her. “ _Nein_. Just, no. No. Perhaps in the future but not now. What made you think about that?”

“You… you fumbled with the cards when we were choosing a card for Brian and Meggan. I understand now why you were like that…” Kitty pushed her chin down and fumbled with her fingers slowly. She didn’t want to speak more, not to bring the subject which hurt Kurt so much up again. “Sorry,” she found her saying.

Kurt gave a tender look for Kitty and smiled softly, pulling her against his chest. He rested his head on top of hers.

“Ah, _Kätzchen._ Your eyes are so sharp.”

“I didn’t want to ask directly anything. I saw it was painful to you so….”

“You’ve always looked after me and thought about my well-being. What have I done to deserve such a wonderful friend as you?” Kurt asked, placing a kiss on her head. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

“No, I pushed you. It’s fine.” Kitty took a deep, deep breath, before continuing. “I’ve been on the edge since you came back because of my worries. It boiled up today. I shouldn’t have suspected that you were hiding something from me because you didn’t trust me.”

“You couldn’t have known. You did what you thought was the best at that moment.”

Kitty had to agree with Kurt. He was always so understanding. So kind and gentle. No wonder his work had broke his spirit. He really did care about everyone he encountered. She closed her eyes and enjoyed being hold by Kurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you want to help to deal child trafficking in real life, my recommendation goes for Love146. It is UK based organisation rehabilitating children who have been victims of human trafficking and prostitution. I have no personal connections to Love146, I only a monthly supporter of their important work.  
> Bikers Against Child Abuse BACA International is also another group I support and who do important volunteer work for children's safety.  
> There are other groups for children, so if you want, you can choose your own would you want to support those who need help.


	6. Second Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More truths are being revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a dialogue heavy chapter. I wish I could have made it more romantic but I try to do it with the next chapter :3  
> I don't think I will make this fic very long or complicated.

Kitty couldn’t sleep. She hated to admit it, but Kurt had been right; she was thinking his work in Germany, pondering what she had gotten herself into while insisting she could help Kurt. She had never seen Kurt so upset before and Kurt if anyone was a person who always landed on his feet.

Kurt was sleeping in his bed, next to Kitty, his head in her gentle but firm hold. He looked peaceful, snoring, and Kitty has hard time imagining just what he had gone through – and he made it sound like it was something he had needed to go through all alone. She bet all the team members were shocked – well, perhaps not so much the authorities who worked with these kind of things daily – but Kurt and other mutants had taken some damage. Kitty pondered how they had even found Kurt and asked him the first place and why they hadn’t told him what was really going to happen? Perhaps they had feared Kurt would decline and a teleporter who could walk in darkness easily was a good asset for their mission.

Kitty whirled his curly hair around her fingers slowly, watching Kurt’s peaceful face. He was still holding on her, only because Kitty had insisted that she wouldn’t let Kurt sleep alone this night. She needed some support herself, too, but she hid it behind her care for Kurt.

She was happy that his turmoil wasn’t due some woman and illegitimate child. At the same time, Kitty couldn’t help herself feeling upset and utterly stupid for suspecting Kurt for something like that, while he was being tormented by the darker side of the humanity. She looked at his forearm, which rested over her stomach. These hands hadn’t been embracing faceless women in Germany but saved children from molesters. Kurt had saved many lives and done it despite it hurt him. Oh, how stupid Kitty felt herself now!

Staring at the ceiling Kitty’s fingers kept playing with Kurt’s hair, never waking him up. She needed to ask some details of this work and remind Kurt that they should keep it hidden from her parents. It was a blessing they both had needed to leave to L.A at this time. She and Kurt could now concentrate on the work and cry against one another if needed, without having Terri or Carmen hovering around them, worried. They would leave Kurt alone but squeeze the answers for their worries out from Kitty if they were here. Perhaps it was their way of trying to compensate their distance to Kitty while he was in England with the Excalibur.

Kurt had mentioned that there was not much to do, that his work in Chicago was almost over, but after his next hit to a hidden lair, he would know more if the team still required help in Germany.

* * *

“Why did you come alone?” Kitty asked over her laptop, alerting Kurt who was circling places on the map with a red marker.

“Alone?”

“Rest of your team is in Germany, right?”

Kurt straightened his back and tapped his chin with the other end of the marker.

“Mostly. If I recall right, Annie and Geralt left for France because Geralt is fluent in French. Annie is a mutant, she can see through objects no matter how thick the material would be.”

Kitty’s ears perked.

“So you all are spread here and there?”

Kurt hummed.

“Hmm, sort of. This is a big international league. Trafficking has crossed many borders and kids are being dropped here and there. It’s…” he took a pause, his hand dropping. “… basically, a slavery route. Who pays the best gets the kids. The… the youngest ones pay the most…”

“But you came to Chicago alone,” Kitty returned to her question, ignoring what Kurt had just said about the children because she didn’t want to think about it in detail.

“I’m not the only one. Aino went to Latvia alone, bless her brave soul. We have people stationed in all continents, also local mutants and people in different countries helping the authorities to find all culprits. I came here alone because I requested it. We had no prior contacts in Chicago and… Well, frankly I didn’t want X-men to get into this. I thought I can handle this myself and this is a secret operation. X-Men’s presence would not help us.”

“Is that why you declined my idea of Logan joining us?”

Kurt nodded, returning to his map.

“Ja. Logan is famous. Well-known. I’m somewhat well-known, too, but I can hide and disappear easily whenever I want, unlike Logan.” Then he smiled, looking more or less amused. “Logan’s too hot-headed. He’d shredded everyone into pieces, and we don’t want to kill anyone. A life-long vacation in a prison is a better punishment that an easy way out with a death.”

Kitty listened to Kurt’s explanation and watched how he marked another spot with a red marker. He gestured Kitty to come closer.

“This is were I will need to do the raid. Any idea how I can get there the easiest?”

Kitty looked at the marked area and informed Kurt of the different possible routes he could take.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come along? I could phase the kids through walls,” she asked and as expected, Kurt turned her down.

“Absolutely positive.”

Kurt folded his map, surprising Kitty. She followed him to the mud room where he was pulling a jacket on him.

“Are you leaving now?”

“Ja.”

“I—I thought you’d bust the place at nighttime.”

“Ja, that would be beneficial for my fur’s ability, but during the day everyone’s calm and rarely in alert. They don’t expect anything to happen. Besides, I need to meet with the authorities who operate here with me. I can’t handle it all alone. There’s one other thing, too:” he stopped, turning to Kitty with a smug small grin. “The bad guys see me the best when it’s the daytime. You should see their faces, _Kätzchen._ They look like the Satan himself would have arrived from Hell to claim their souls. They do know that what they are doing is illegal, horrible, sinful. They don’t care about the kids, but they care about their own asses and boy, do their care about their souls.”

Kitty had to smile for that. She patted him on his upper arm through his jacket.

“I bet you can bring them a good show, the old showman you are.”

“Ja!” Kurt breathed out, his fangs visible as his grin spread wider and wider. He stroke a pose with chest pushing out, shoulders back. “I give them a scare for a lifetime. Though if there are kids, I remove either them first or kidnap the criminals quickly enough so the kids won’t see me or what happened. I don’t want to scare the children. They have already been scared enough…”

“Hmm, I bet the kids are a bit freaked out by you…” Kitty admitted sorrowfully.

“They tend to take me very well after the initial shock. Little ones don’t care. Most of them find my fur and tail soothing and comforting,” Kurt explained but then his face fell, getting serious. He stared in front of him without blinking for a second, cleared then his throat with hasty blinks and turned towards the door. Kitty didn’t ask what Kurt had just remembered or re-lived.

“I will be back some time at late night. Please, don’t call me. I’ll be unable to answer”, he simply said.

“Okay, stay safe,” Kitty wished him well, hugging his back and patting his lower back when Kurt stepped outside the door.

* * *

Kitty woke up to a sound of shower being turned on. She was resting in her own room upstairs and when she reached to her phone to see what the time was, the clock said 1am. Kurt had been gone longer than she thought. She got up rubbing her eyes and went to the bathroom door, knocking it softly.

“I’ll be out in a minute!” Kurt’s hasty voice replied before Kitty had even knocked three times.

“No need to. Take your time. Just wanted to check if you are okay?”

“Fine. Fine. Really hungry though.”

“I’ll make you something.”

Kitty dragged her feet to downstairs and checked cupboards for something. She made a note that they needed to do some grocery shopping with Kurt. Gathering all what she needed on the counter, Kitty decided to make tea and sandwiches for both of them. She placed yogurt on the table together with apples just when Kurt was returning back from his showers. He tussled his hair with the towel, wearing a bathrobe. He looked exhausted.

“Rough day?” Kitty asked, pouring him tea as he took a seat from the kitchen table.

“Could say so,” he sighed, inspecting one of the sandwiches closer.

“It’s ham and cheese and mustard,” Kitty noted.

“Gut.”

“I can make eggs, too.”

“This is enough, thanks.”

“Did you catch the bad guys?” Kitty asked taking a seat near Kurt. Kurt munched his bread in silence.

“Ja. It caused some commotion and a few people ended up to a hospital, but nothing fatal.”

“Did you get hurt?” Kitty’s brows immediately knitted together.

Kurt didn’t reply, just muttered something vaguely which Kitty couldn’t make out. She basically bolted up from her seat and took hold of Kurt’s left hand, yanking it towards her. He winced in pain.

“I knew it! I saw how you were holding your arm differently when you came down,” Kitty scolded Kurt, pushing his bathrobe down from his shoulder. There was a big bruise, visible through the fur, and some cuts which had stopped bleeding. Kitty frowned. “I’ll go get antiseptics. Take your bathrobe off.”

Kitty phased upstairs and returned back with a first-aid kit. Kurt had done as told and was sitting on the kitchen chair with the bathrobe dropped down to his waist. Kitty spotted another long cut on his upper back.

“Kurt!” she half-yelled him, miffed. “You have cuts all over you!”

“Ah, not all over. Just some on the left side,” he defended himself, inspecting Kitty taking antiseptic bottle and some cotton pads. She was muttering angrily under her breath. “There’s really no need to clean the cuts. I cleaned them in the shower.”

“You’re in my house and we have my rules. Sit down and be quiet,” Kitty was clearly angry that Kurt had gotten himself hurt. He didn’t dare to talk back, but sat down patiently, allowing Kitty to wipe his wounds. “Where else you have cuts and injuries?”

“On my side,” Kurt said, lifting his arm up and revealing another set of cuts. “One of the criminals was a mutant with superfast cutting ability. Took me by surprise and managed to injure me.”

“And you didn’t go to doctor because?” Kitty asked, kneeling down to take care of his side.

“…Because it’s not that bad? And because I’m needed. We got another hint. I need to raid it tomorrow.”

“With that arm?” Kitty gestured towards his bruised shoulder. Kurt’s face fell.

“The kids need me, Kätzchen,” he said quietly, giving Kitty a sad look from underneath his thick brows. “I can’t quit now. This is nothing. I have had worse injuries than this. They’ll heal in a few days. I’ll manage with a good dose of painkillers tomorrow.”

Kitty wanted to argue but she knew Kurt’s head couldn’t be turned when he had set his mind onto something. He saw that his words didn’t convince Kitty.

“ _Kätzchen_ , the longer I idle the longer the children suffer.”

“I know, I know,” Kitty sighed, changing her smeared cotton wipe to a clean one. “This is just reminding me of the time you got really badly hurt…”

“You mean the time I spend in coma…?” Kurt asked carefully, unsure should that be brought up.

“Yes…”

“This is nothing compared to that. Don’t worry.”

“Did you catch the mutant?”

“Ja, we did. Tranquilizers work really well on any target, so does rapid teleportation,” Kurt grinned. He hissed when Kitty hit a sore spot on his side.

“Hmm, this one here is starting to bleed again. I need to cover it up. Don’t swing your arm around too much, the sticky pad doesn’t stay well on a fur,” Kitty advised. She patched the leaking wound up and got up from her knelt position. Then she checked the bruise, moving Kurt’s arm around.

“Doesn’t seem broken, just bruised,” she muttered to herself.

“Ja, that’s what I said. A minor injury.”

“I get some ice for you,” Kitty let go of his arm and fetched a frozen beans bag from the freezer. She gave it to Kurt, who had put his bathrobe fully on again. He took the offered help with his thanks, looking bashful.

“ _Danke_ for this. And last night, too.” he said, avoiding Kitty’s eyes. “I have not slept that well in months.”

Kitty could feel the blush creeping up to her cheeks, but she pretended she wasn’t going to blush.

“It’s nothing,” she replied casually, taking her seat. Kurt was still staring at his lap, clearly searching for right words to say to Kitty. Kitty leaned on her palms.

“You can spit it out,” she encouraged Kurt, dead curious to know what Kurt had on his mind. Her heart was beating loudly.

“I... I was just wondering if I could sleep next to you this night, too?” he lifted his gaze up slowly. His face was sincere and apologetic at the same time. Vulnerable. Kitty had never seen Kurt looking like that. She blinked, boggled.

“O—Of course,” her answer came out with a slight stammer. “We could make a bed on the floor with two mattresses for more space?”

They agreed on the plan, ate well and headed then to bed when clock was closing 3am. Kurt stretched with a big yawn to his full length on the mattresses, wincing when his stretching hurt his side and shoulder. Kitty gave a scolding stare at Kurt.

“I told you,” she said, taking his arm into her hold. “Don’t overdo it.”

“I won’t,” Kurt whispered, fumbling softly with Kitty’s fingers. He was quiet and Kitty waited almost anxiously what he was going to say. A car driving by illuminated the room with its headlights for a short moment. Kitty saw how tears had appeared on Kurt’s cheeks.

“Fuzzy...!” she cried, got up to her elbows and snuggled closer to pull Kurt against her. She hugged him through his sniffs, petting his hair.

“Sorry. It was a rough day, that’s all.” he finally found his voice again, muttering his apology against Kitty’s collar bone. His lips felt soft.

“How long until this mission is over?” Kitty asked.

“Hmmm, I don’t know. A few weeks? A few months? More information and criminals in this mess seem to pop out in every raid.” Then he wrapped his arm around Kitty and sighed deeply, his breath brushing over Kitty’s neck. “The truth is, _Kätzchen_ , that this work never ends. We end up one ring, we leave hundreds of others. Thousands of others to hunt the children. _Gott_ , Kitty, it is almost hopeless when you think about it.”

“It’s not hopeless for those kids you have saved,” Kitty reminded him tenderly. “Don’t beat yourself up, Kurt.”

Kurt didn’t reply but Kitty knew he understood what she meant.

“ _Kätzchen_. Thank you. Thank you for being here for me. I… It would be a lot harder without you,” Kurt whispered after some time had passed.

Kitty ignored the extra leap her heart took.

“I’ll be always there for you, Kurt. Always,” she promised with flared cheeks, hugging him tenderly closer. Kurt let out a pleased hum from his throat, snuggling his face against Kitty’s collar.

“I’m happy to know that. You and Logan are the only ones who have ever been there for me whenever I have needed help or support.”

“Oh, are you comparing me to Logan now?” Kitty took a sharp look at Kurt, noticing how he grinned now.

“That was a compliment.” He paused. “And well, you do share some similarities. Perhaps that’s why I have clicked with you two so well. I love you both.”

Kitty was sure her face was scorching hot now.

“And you have actually told Logan you love him?” Kitty asked.

“Ja.”

Her nose wrinkled.

“I don’t recall you telling me that. Are you into Logan?”

Kurt’s head rose up, his yellow eyes staring Kitty straight. She blushed even harder under his focused gaze.

“Ja, I have not told you those three words. I… I was fearing that it would ruin us if I spoke those words out loud to you. You know, the women I have swore my love to have always left me sooner or later.”

Kitty didn’t know what she should have replied. Was that… a confession? What she imagining things? She laughed, trying to ease her nervousness.

“Ah, so it’s sort of a bro love thing, gotcha,” Kitty replied hastily; a bit too hastily for Kurt. She mentally smacked herself for such a stupid reply: There was an opening right there for her to ask how Kurt felt about her but she was a chicken and now she had ruined the moment…!

“ _Kätzchen_ , you know I prefer women, but I wouldn’t ignore a man either would I find myself in love with a one. Haven’t met anyone like that yet, though, but as a concept, I’d be fine with it.”

Kitty sensed how a cold wave of shame rushed over her. Hastily she corrected herself.

“No, no I… sorry, I said a stupid thing. I didn’t… I mean, you know me, I had a crush on this girl when I was twelve.”

“Ja, I remember you telling me that. I haven’t told anyone, like promised.”

Kitty was still feeling uncertain of the whole chat. How had it even gone to this? She swallowed and chuckled slightly.

“So, uh, which one you’d choose; me or Logan?”

Kurt’s eyes widened for a second before he broke into a heartful laugh. He laughed this genuine laughter Kitty had missed a lot.

“ _Kätzchen, Gott_ , you are horrible,” Kurt shook his head, turning on his stomach. His gaze never left Kitty, and she turned her head to look back at Kurt. She knew he could see her blushing.

“Just curious. You’re the one who brought this up.”

“As a friend who loves his friends!” Kurt cried but his amused grin never disappeared. “What, are you hoping to be my bride’s maid or a flower girl in my wedding with Logan?” he joked.

Kitty laughed. She liked how the air in the room had gotten from the gloom and doom back to playful. Just like it had used to be between them. Like in the good old times when they amused one another with stupid jokes and “what if”-questionnaires of all imaginative possibilities where the other had to choose what they would do in such a “what if”-situation. She pooped Kurt’s nose.

“You didn’t answer.”

“Pooping my nose won’t grand you any answers.”

“What will?” Kitty asked with a low voice. Her thump run over the side of Kurt’s face to the side of his mouth, and over the corner of his lips. Kurt’s lips parted slightly.

“An honest question,” Kurt replied, his eyelids closing half-way. Kitty tilted her head slowly; her finger now under Kurt’s chin, where his fur was thicker and harsher.

“Which one would you choose, if you had to; Logan or me?” she asked again with a soft tone, eyes soft and inviting. The redness on her cheeks had crept all to way to her ears but she ignored it.

Kurt pushed his head closer to Kitty, admiring how her hand dropped down, traveling along his neck and the uninjured shoulder.

“You,” he breathed out with a husky voice, just inches from her face. “If I had to choose, I would choose you. At any given day.”

“Because I’m a woman,” Kitty noted with a chuckle, but Kurt shook his head slowly, never breaking his eye contact with Kitty.

“No. Because it’s you, _Kätzchen_.”

Kitty swallowed, her heart starting to race. The way he whispered the Kätzchen… She opened her mouth slowly.

“Really?” she asked, her chin tilting upwards, closing Kurt on its own.

“Ja,” Kurt breathed out, his head coming lower.

“You’re just teasing me, aren’t you?” Kitty’s lips were almost touching Kurt’s mouth.

“Nein. I would never.” His words traveled over Kitty’s moist lips like a soft summer breeze. Her gaze dropped to his lips, then returned back up to his eyes. Once more down to his lips and then, up to his yellow eyes. Kurt took the hint and closed the empty space between their lips gently. The kiss was sort, simple, sweet, unsure. Testing, tasting, asking. When neither one complained about the just happened frail kiss, Kitty dared to kiss Kurt again, initiating the connection. Kurt approved it with a small hum, eyes closing.

“Kurt…” Kitty broke the kiss with a small whimper, ashamed of how weak he made her.

“Ja?” he asked, shivering.

“God, Kurt, we just kissed…!” Kitty breathed out a mall gasp, her palm rising up to her lips where the pressure from Kurt’s lips still lingered.

Kurt grinned playfully.

“Ja, und it wasn’t bad at all, if that’s what worries you.”

“I’m… I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have… I don’t want to ruin what we have…” Kitty stammered, light-headed. Things had advanced to this point on their own faster than Kitty had anticipated. Actually, she had never anticipated that she could get this close to Kurt. What if this ruined their friendship?

“If you need time to think, I can wait,” Kurt replied quickly, caressing her face with a calming manner. “I’ll wait as long as you need me to.”

“You would…wait for me?” Kitty asked, unsure. 

“Yes.”

“What?” Kitty yelped, pushing herself further away from Kurt to see his face completely. “Wait? Don’t tell me you…. Oh God, Kurt, have we been pinning on one another?”

Kurt’s tail whipped lazily from side to side.

“Hmm, seems like it?”

“You have a crush on me, and you didn’t tell even when you go courting every single damsel you encounter?! Kurt, that’s not fair,” Kitty whined dramatically.

“Ah, I… had the same fear as you do,” Kurt said, his head pressing down. “I didn’t want to ruin what we have. You are my best friend. What would happen if I made a move on my best friend? What if you freaked out, told you didn’t think the same about me? Could we still continue on like nothing had ever happened?”

Kitty bit her lip, thinking.

“Fair enough.”

“At least we’re on the same page with fears and what we truly want, ja?” Kurt offered.

“Yeah, it seems so,” Kitty smiled, feeling suddenly like the happiest person on the planet. “I’m sorry this came out like this. I mean, I was hoping for something more romantic.”

“I can arrange some romance when my work is over,” Kurt promised. “Until that, will a kiss do?”

“Yes,” Kitty replied, her lips already brushing over Kurt’s, who welcomed Kitty’s kiss with parted lips.

**Author's Note:**

> How did you like it? Please leave a review! Any comment is highly appreciated, even "sdasdsfsd thanks". No, you are not being a bother with comments. Not even if you commented every single chapter 345345345 times.


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